Monday, July 31, 2006

The Monday Morning Mind-Purge

With eight minutes to go in my Monday Morning, I am here to report that after 4 days of having an elaborate and technologically off the chain satellite system in the Palace@Funkytown East, let the record show that I would have gone a month without the Dish if it would have gotten my DSL hooked up on time.

The good people at the New AT&T (which is basically the ORIGINAL AT&T with gastric bypass surgery) assure me that today is the day. We shall see.

I am currently a mental mess.

I miss my baby.

I miss my babies.

My money is Funny. Pee on yourself funny. hyperventilating, rolling on the floor, weepy about the eyes, uncontrollable laughter funny. And the punchline hasn't even been uttered.


The Ranch is floundering.


No, the Ranch isn't floundering.

The Ranch WAS floundering. I am pulling it up hill very slowly. This thing is heavy.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Word For The Week

The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

"But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian."

The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"

"But Lord , " Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."

The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."


Judges 6:11-16
Last week I went to Detroit for my family reunion and reconnected with a lot of cousins that I haven't seen in many years. It was an excellent time of affirmation as I had an opportunity to hang out with people who are a lot like me - goofy, opinionated, and exceedingly disdainful of Barbara Bush's firstborn. One thing that I noticed, however - rediscovered, actually - is that within my family my immediate family - my clan, if you will - serves as the facilitators, the organizers and workers who make things happen on behalf of others. My father is the youngest of six boys and my mother is the middle child of nine, but when things need to get done they are the ones to step up to the fore in order to get 'r done, along with my mother's two youngest sisters. This get 'r done mentality has been passed on to me and my sister such that whenever something needs to be done I am there. Whenever someone needs something I am there. Whenever anyone that I know has a problem I am there - I'm Johnny-on-the-spot or Sir-Fix-Alot, but the question that I have never really asked is, "What do I want?"

For as long as I can remember I have been about the business of assisting other people's aspirations, facilitating other people's dreams, serving other people's needs, but beyond my childhood dream of becoming an astronaut I cannot recall ever asking the simple question, "What do I want?" I've done the NASA thing and I'm no longer interested in spending a lifetime preparing for one week in space as a mechanic, but what do I want? I am called to ministry and I enjoy helping others but at the end of the day, what do I want? The totality of my self esteem is tied into my ability. I am confident to the point of arrogance when it comes to my abilities - I know that God has blessed me with the ability to learn and do just about anything, such that if I put my mind to it I can learn and understand anything that I need to know and do whatever needs to be done. However, we are human beings - not human doings - and in my being I have little confidence and even less esteem. I see it manifest in many ways - in the difference between how I treat other people's stuff and my own stuff, in how I prioritize other people over myself, in my penchant for pushing up on sisters like Captain Save A Hostess Ho Ho. I'm partial to the thinking of Jung over Freud so there's no throwing mama under the bus here - my personality is The Duty Fulfiller, I know this already - but I still need to ask what it is that I want.

I've got issues.

Gideon had many of the same issues - he esteemed himself lightly, his family wasn't the most powerful in the region or nation, and his country was in deep caca. Despite this, the angel of the LORD was dispatched to inform Gideon that his nation would be delivered from its trouble and that the deliverance would be enacted through Gideon's hand. The angel said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." I am certain that Gideon looked around to see who the angel was speaking to since Gideon hadn't had any parts of fighting a war - Gideon was one of those who hid in caves and shelters when war came his way. Picture Gideon, clad in Birkenstocks, his dreadlocks flowing over his tie-died shirt as he's tending to his hash stash, and the angel of the LORD pops up addressing him as a mighty warrior.

Holy hallucinations, Batman!

Gideon's immediate response was to present the angel of the LORD with the evidential problem of evil, saying, "But sir, if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." One of the most annoying things in life - at least for me - is when you are going through drama or tough times some well-intentioned idiot coming up to you saying, "The Lord is with you" or "The Lord will make a way somehow" or some such similar churcheese nonsense. It may well be true - I know it to be true - but that's not exactly what I'm trying to hear at that particular point in time. That's one big problem with extroverts - too busy talking to stop and think about what is actually proceeding from their lips, but I digress. Gideon said, if I may contemporize and urbanize his words, "How you gonna tell me that the LORD is with us when Midian has its foot square up our behind? If He was with us then we wouldn't be having all these problems that we got! He may have used to did stuff for us but what has He done for us lately? Not a freakin' thing!"

Gideon was a little upset.

Gideon's problem, however, was that he misunderstood the angel's words numerically, existentially, and temporally. First, Gideon misunderstood the number in the proclamation. The angel of the LORD said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior" - He did not say, "The LORD is with all y'alls, mighty warriors." There's a cliche in the church that says, "What God has for me is for me!" and while I am loathe to encourage selfishness and I hate to propagate cliches it is indeed a true statement - what God intends for you is for you and you only. Where we get it twisted - much like the Israelites of the Old Testament - is that we believe that what God has for us is purely for our benefit. Let me make this plain - when God blesses me with this or that it in no ways means that He will bless you in the same way with the same thing. God blesses me in order for me to be a blessing to others as only I can in that particular place and time, much like God chose Israel to be His special possession for the specific purpose of blessing others, not merely for them to sit back puffed up, proclaiming themselves to be the only ones worthy of God's grace (no one is worthy - that's what makes it "grace"). When God blesses you He blesses you for the purpose of you being a blessing to others, in a way that you and only you can bless them at that place and point in time, so when the angel of the LORD said to Gideon, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior" that is exactly what He meant - the LORD was with Gideon.

Second, Gideon misunderstood the existential nature of his nation's predicament. God had not forsaken Israel, God was allowing Israel to reap the rewards of its decision to forsake the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob for the idol gods of the Amorites. Decisions have consequences, and all too often we make stupid decisions and then get mad at God for allowing us to reap the harvest of the seeds that we have sown. We sow sin and wonder why we're reaping stress. We plant pride and wonder why we're reaping problems. We place immorality in the earth and wonder why the earth provides us with issues. "Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap." This applies to families, communities, and nations as well. Israel was reaping what it had sown - broken fellowship with the Creator of the Universe - but God took the initiative to restore the fellowship and to deliver Israel from yet another set of problems that Israel had brought upon itself. God had not forsaken Israel, Israel had forsaken God.

Third, Gideon misunderstood the temporal nature of the angel's statement. The angel did not say that the LORD had always been with Gideon and the angel did not say that the LORD would always be with Gideon. The angel said that the LORD is with Gideon. Rev. Charles Walker preached the sermon, "What You Gonna Do With Your Day" in which he made the poignant point that this is the day that the LORD has made - yesterday is a cancelled check and tomorrow is a promissory note, but today is cash in hand - what are you going to do with your day? The angel told Gideon that at that very moment God was with him and would deliver Israel through Gideon's hands, but Gideon initially couldn't receive that message - it made no sense to him.

Gideon missed the message of God because he was focused on himself and his own problems - his own solitude in the winepress by himself, his own status as the least in his family, his own stature as the least in the tribe of Manasseh - instead of focusing on the God who can change things in the twinkling of an eye. He had heard about how God had delivered his forefathers out of Egypt, how God struck down the enemies of Israel, how God facilitated their entry into a land flowing with milk and honey with livestock they did not raise and crops they did not plant. He'd heard all of those stories, but he'd had no experience himself to buttress that fledgling faith. He hadn't seen God move or operate in his life so from Gideon's perspective there was no God, or if there was one then he didn't care much about Israel. Gideon needed a personal encounter with God, and God made himself known to Gideon in a spectacular way - a personal encounter with the angel of the LORD. God did this not for Gideon's benefit alone, but that others through Gideon might be blessed, namely the children of Israel.

I can relate.

You may recall that last year I was really going through it (q.v. 30 Pieces of Silver, Death Becomes Us, The Divine Conjunction, To Be Or Not To Be), but shortly after that I got a contract position that paid me almost the same thing that I had been making full-time. Today I can report that I have been hired in full-time and that I am now making $25,000 more than I was at the previous job. Considering the fact that the previous job limits you to no more than a 5% annual raise it would have taken a decade or two for me to get to the income level where I currently find myself. What's more is that I am doing exactly the same thing that I was doing at the previous job, only we are starting from scratch the very department that I was part of creating at the old job so I have a good idea of how it should run and what its shelf life is. And I'm being fast-tracked.

The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

Things are starting to come together for me, I am beginning to see my direction much more clearly. I know that I want a fruit-bearing P31 wife, right now. I know that I want a son to be named after my father and another son to be named after my Uncle Wille. I know that I want to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. And I know that I want the Steelers to win another Lombardi Trophy. I know that once Gideon received that which God had revealed to him Gideon was able to rout thousands of Midianite soldiers with 300 men. I know that God can use the weak to rout the strong. I know that with God all things are possible so I need to spend some time in prayer and meditation to connect my wants, my needs, my desires and my aspirations with the will of God. I just need to spend the next few weeks distilling exactly what those wants, needs and desires are. God has certainly provided the means to achieve those ends, and for that I give Him all the praise, all the glory, and all the honor.

May the LORD bless you and keep you;
May the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
And may the LORD,
Who wants you to be a blessing to others,
May He turn His face toward you and give you peace.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Stop me if you've heard this before...

The sun rises on DP at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport. I am dropping off FW for her annual sojourn to NYC to see her aunt. Her favorite aunt.

So, once again, yours truly is faced with the task of not doing anything stupid for four days. Last time was fairly easy. This time shouldn't be too much more difficult. Although the dial-up era will stretch through Monday, I will be spending time in The Palace @ Funkytown East getting things together. I am turning into the man about the house, even though that is not my strong suit at all.

Stay tuned for what promises to be a regular feature on this blog.


DP and Tools, a match made in the Emergency Room.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Hate so thick you can cut it with a knife

Last night, FW, Chappie (FW's pops), and myself participated in that periodic ritual that is the NY Yankees vs. Texas Rangers game at Ameriquest Field

Last night was my third game, and the second this year. I have noted a few ongoing trends.


  1. The Rangers are a perennially decent team, good for about 75-85 wins a year. They are fairly entertaining all by themselves, but not entertaining enough to warrant me going JUST to see them. Ergo, while they are good for 20-25,000 people on the vast majority of their dates, the Yankees games are always good for 40-50K. That of course drives up the price of the tickets and forces those who are late for the nosebleeds. As this particular excursion was a last minute event.
  2. The Yankees are easily the most hated team in sports. I do not hesitate to admit I was a Yankee hater until I married a Yankee lifer. Having now been on both sides of the coin, I can safely say it is one of the more pointless exercises in life to hate on another team for any reason. It is one thing to root for YOUR team and root your team to victory. It is quite another to expend extra energy wishing ill on ANOTHER team, even a team that is your rival, unless their misfortune directly helps you, as in rooting against the team you are chasing in the division standings.
  3. The only thing more pointless than rooting against another team...is rooting against another player. The most painful thing about going to a Rangers/Yankees game in Texas is listening to them boo Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod has been in NY for THREE and a HALF years now and these fools are still booing him like it's HIS fault the owner of the Rangers got buyers remorse after shelling out 25.2 million dollars a year for 10 years. Yes for those of you not as adept in multiplication, that is a QUARTER OF A BILLION (with a B) dollars. Of course I could comment on the fact that now the YANKEE fans are booing him, even though he is still one of the most productive players in the league...but that is another matter for another day.
  4. There is a certain artistry to baseball. It moves at a leisurely pace, allowing you to learn it while it is happening. Chappie, who has been playing baseball since he was about 7, which would be almost long enough to predate Jackie Robinson, sat and knowledged FW and me about the nuances of baseball that made me appreciate the game even more than I already do.
  5. Even if you don't LIKE baseball, it is just fun to sit out there and soak in the environment...ok, it is much better if you DO like baseball.
All that stuff aside, it was a HELL of a game.

Complete with

Booing of A-Rod
Lots and LOTS of Yankee fans (so much so it seemed like a home game)
the Rangers playing well
The Yankees playing better
The Rangers Bullpen blowing a lead
Mariano Rivera showing why he is the GREATEST CLOSER OF ALL TIME!



As Scribe put it so elegantly.


YANKEES WIN! THEEEEEEE YANKEES WIN...


Thats right

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Dialup Era drags on...

First the good news.

After almost TWO full years without it, I have been blessed to attach a satellite dish to the Palace @ Funkytown East. And get the hundreds of channels that come with it.

The bad news? The good folk at AT&T are trying my patience with the whole DSL thing. What was supposed to take 48 hours will likely take almost 2 weeks.

So, The Palace at Funkytown East takes another step forward.

As you can see, the posts will remain stagnant and technologically plain until I get on the broadband good foot.

We interrupt this post for a MONTH old observation.

UH…..I know this is late…but I am sitting here watching the BET awards…

(you can always count on the good folk at BET to run some ish in the ground to make sure EVERYSINGLE person on the planet who wishes to see something on BET gets their chance. )

I was in the midst of chattering about something else…which I will get to.

I just saw something I thought I would never see.

I saw Yolanda Adams singing…no…singing is not quite what she did.

Yolanda Adams went through the vocal arrangement of a Chaka Khan song and pretty much evicted Chaka Khan from the vocal memory of “Sweet Thing”

Then she told Chaka Khan she loved her..and then proceeded to allow Chaka to sing backup on I’m Every Woman.

If there is a better voice on the planet than Yolanda Adams, she has yet to reveal herself.

Now just how Jesus feels about her singing Sweet Thing? That I am not authorized to say.

We now return to your regularly scheduled post.

Writing about one’s life is a funny thing. Unlike one’s opinions on football or even politics or race, writing about one’s life is about themselves.

It is impossible to remove oneself from what is said in response.

Feelings can get hurt, ideas can get misconstrued, and well…shit can hit the fan.

Relax, nothing like that happened.

Well it didn’t happen to me.

As for FW, well if I know her as well as I think she could give a warm bucket of moth piss what any of y’all think about her…

Hell it remains to be seen if she cares what I think of her.

(no that’s not true, but you gotta admit it is amusing. )

My baby is one of the kindest and warmest people I know.

She means well, and the reality is, for all her bluster, she has actually played nice with the neighbors…I am the one who has to play the bad guy all the time.

Wait a minute…why am I apologizing for her? What she said…is mean spirited and has a hint of condescension to it.

But, alas, we all know the truth…and If you have seen a picture of her, you know she knows the truth too.

I have taken the opportunity of using my platform, microscopic in the overall scheme of things, but gargantuan when compared to the platform most people use to speak about intimate personal details, not just of me, but of those I am truly close to.

This is something that I need to be more careful of.

There is a fine line involved in this blogging thing, and I need to be careful about smudging it with my size 10 ½s.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Turn to your neighbor...or turn on your neighbor?

The dial-up era persists...



I pride myself as being one who has his ear to the street. I try to stay on the cutting edge; I try and see the maggots of today as the houseflies of tomorrow. I take pleasure in seeing the future, not as some mystical seer, but as a shrewd prognosticator. I am seeing the future, and it is as bleak as I have ever seen it.

When FW and I stood in the frame that was to become The Palace @ Funkytown East, she said something that I found extremely troubling. She said that she didn’t want to live next to black people. I, of course immediately recoiled as she listed all the reasons living next to black folk can be problematic. Mostly they centered on the aesthetics of the neighborhood. I tried to maintain that it was the quality of their character that determined their suitability but she insisted that skin color played a part.

So I called her a bigot and kept it moving.

Soon it became a typical refrain.

(Black person does something untoward)

Her: see, them's your people…can’t stand them muffuccas

Me: You black too

Her: Nope. I’m Panamanian.

Fact: FW’s mother is black, her father Panamanian.

Fast forward to today.

It is Monday night. I keep peeping out my window at the fence on the right of my back yard to see if the neighbors on the right are STILL HANGING THEIR CLOTHES OVER MY FENCE.

Let me recap.

We took residence in The Palace @ Funkytown East on Wednesday. FW met the neighbors on the right henceforth to be known as the Ratts. Momma Ratt, Daddy Ratt and Ratts 1, 2, 3 (ages 20, 10 and 7).

Apparently Momma Ratt is on Workmen’s Comp, although, as she said, “you gotta be careful what you do, cause they always watchin’”

Daddy Ratt seems nice enough.

Ratts 1, 2 and 3 are about as helpful as a 7, 10 and 20 year old male can BE who you have no attachment to.

My issue with them? Out all the houses around here recently built. ONLY ONE has no grass planted in the back yard and no plans for it. Theirs.

Why?

Her: Y’all got a big back yard. Y'all gonna get a pool? Shoo, I ain't wanna pay for all that grass, so I’m a leave it like it is.

Then you have the neighbors on the left.

We shall call them the _____________(youll see why soon). I am not exactly sure how many of them there are. I DO know they have more cars (4) than I have televisions, 3. Since maybe a week before we moved in, a little white rice rocket has been sitting DIRECTLY in front of my home. The entire week passed and the car never moved. I saw the __________ and I waved at least once a day.

Nada.

Finally, Saturday arrives and spent the morning supervising the watering of the vast pitch that sprawls out behind the P@FE. I then sit and gaze in admiration at the moistening lawn when I see….

A sheet, three towels and two pair of shorts.

On my fence.

Just on my fence.

FW is currently away, so while I await her return, I ponder just how infuriated she will be about this. And just what her first utterance will be.

She comes home and says she was irritated already by a workout that seemed like it would never end.

ME: oh you irritated….then don’t look outside.

Her: What? Oh…shit…WTF????!!!????

I love my FW and do not wish to put her on front street, so I will not quote her further.

Suffice it to say, she was not in a mental space where she could cordially meet Mr. and or Mrs. _____________ and discuss our issues in a neighborly way.

So, Yours truly, who as you may or may not know is diplomatic, but rather quick to the point and a tad bit indifferent to the feelings of others was left to engage the __________.

So I ring the doorbell and the following exchange occurs.

DING DONG

(door opens)

Him: yes?

Me: Hi, my name is David, How are you? We are new to the neighborhood, we just moved in a few days ago

Him: Hi.

OK…I will stop here to illuminate the critical error that I feel occurred here.

If come to your door and ring your doorbell, and I offer you my name, the absolute LEAST you can do is to offer your name in return. Even if you proceed to cuss me and dispatch a swarm of African bees in my direction, at least you and I have experienced some semblance of camaraderie. I am incredulous as to his lack of engagement so I gave him about 10 seconds to realize that I am in fact the light skinned American Negro next door and not some solicitor.

At about second number 8 it occurs to me, no such error has been realized on his part, so I cut, quickly and without malice, to the chase.

Me: well. I was wondering, do you know whose car this is in front of my house?

Him: Yes.

Me: well, I need you to move that down in front of your house so we won’t have to park in front of your house when we have guests. And I will also need you to not hang your clothes on our fence.

Him: Well, the car I can move but she is not here for the clothes.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: the car I can move but she isn’t here for the clothes.

Me: well, I would really appreciate you helping me by moving your car and not hanging your clothes up on my fence. You have a good day…nice meeting you.

And that was that.

There is something seriously awry in the black community. The more of us I read, the more I am starting to realize many of us are starting to see it.

I am afraid.

I am very afraid.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Guardian of Verbal Hipness, DP

I have decided to formalize my status as the Guardian of Verbal Hipness. It is my intention to bring a certain clarity to the idea of what is hip and what it passé in colloquial speech. As our world culture is brought ever closer by the Internet’s unique ability to bring even the most cutting edge terms to a overwhelming mass of people with the click of a mouse, the time it takes for even the newest word to reach its saturation point is shortening almost daily.

Whereas:

· I am a person of sufficient maturity, so as not to fall victim to every whim of trendy speech

· I am a person of sufficient youth that I maintain a relevance to that which is truly linguistically groundbreaking

· I am sufficiently plugged into popular culture at large and Hip-hop in particular

· I am a person of diverse personal syntax; independent enough to exercise impartial judgment,

· I am a person of strong integrity, willing to rule in a way that might affect my own personal linguistic choices.

I, DP of Parrish:The Thoughts, declare myself to be the Guardian of Verbal Hipness (GVH) for such time as I see fit to rule.

Allow me to start with the purview of my power.

Term Retirement

Term retirement is a process by which it has been determined by the Guardian of Verbal Hipness (that would be me) that a term has reached a point where it is no longer cutting edge. The GVH will then decree said term to be fit for term retirement. When a term is designated for retirement, that term and all terms deemed to be descendants of that term are to be retired. If a term is suspected to be a descendant of the designated term, but is not listed, then that term is determined to be an independent term and is allowed to remain hip on its own merits.

The GVH will then entertain a period of discussion from all concerned. This is to ensure a certain democracy to the process. The GVH is not a monarch so much as a representative. After a representative time of discussion, the GVH will evaluate the conventional wisdom and determine if, in fact term retirement is still appropriate. Once it is determined that a term is set for retirement there is no appeals process. After a suitable time of research and preparation, which is NOT to exceed 60 days, The GVH will then prepare a term assessment and retirement ceremony. It is during the research and preparation period that those who are considered hip can still use this term while determining how they will carry on linguistically in its absence.

During the retirement speech the GVH is at liberty to suggest ways for the Verbally Hip to move forward, although he is not required to do so.

Once the Retirement speech is posted, there will be a seven day mourning period, during which the Verbally Hip will be able to speak fondly (or disparaging) of the term. At the end of this mourning period, the term will be laid to rest, never to be used by the Verbally Hip again.

DP does Dialup - Day one.

I guess the one question you all are wondering is…

When is this Negro gonna stop talking about that damn house?

Well, the fact is, that is all that is really going on in my life.

Buying your first home is much like getting married or having children. It consumes you. Everything you think about is filtered through the prism of homeownership/parenthood/marriage.

The whole idea of ownership shifts the focus from other people to you. I cannot just pick up the phone and call the landlord and say…”yo man, fix this. “The buck truly does stop with me. At the tender age of 36, I sit in MY house. If shit breaks, I gotta fix it. I truly am on some grown-man shit now.

IN other news, the rest of the appliances came in yesterday. We now have a laundry set, city garbage and recyclable containers and the biggest blackest refrigerator I have ever seen. Ok, it isn’t that big, but lawd cheesits it’s black. And yeah, it IS a biggun.

It has been decreed by the lord of the interior (FW) that no photos will be posted until she has decreed the interior suitable for publication. As for photos of the outside, as soon as the gods of utilities bless me once again with broadband access, I post pictures of “The Palace @ Funkytown East” as I have so declared it.

It will be at that time I will be able to resume some semblance of normalcy about my blogging life. And get back to the friends and fans I have grown to love and miss.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I fought the lawn and the lawn won.

Out of the entire joy of home ownership, the most intriguing to me is lawn care. In keeping with the time honored tradition established in the beginning of time, FW is the lord of the inside, I am responsible for the outside.

That is, I get to deal with the Garage, the Trash, and the lawn.


During day ELEVEN IN A FREAKING ROW of triple-digit temperatures, I was actually relishing two things,

#1 I am not allowed to water the lawn between 10am and 7pm.
#2 I am allergic to freshly cut grass.


That means Davey will NOT be cutting the grass on his estate.


And lawd...this lawn is HUGE.


for the past three days, I have found myself out in the yard for 2 and 3 hours at a time....holding a hose...praying for rain.


If you all know any cool raindances, let a brotha know.



And in our first mistake. We forgot to add a phone jack in the office. This means I will be attempting to run a cord from the jack in the master bedroom (the one with NO BED, cause we havent gotten the KANG sized bed yet) to the office. I am guessing 100 feet should do the trick. Either that or FW will make me wait. And she just might.

That would suck.

Let the record show I appreciate the warm wishes and congratulations from everyone.

I am trying to stall until I can get the lawn to look appropriate before I post pictures.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Me Casa..es ME CASA.

A man's home IS indeed his castle.

A few idle thoughts on the fine art of moving.


Grown people with jobs should ALWAYS hire a moving company. FW and I packed up some stuff and I left the apartment and went off to the Rugrat Ranch to handle some HNIC business. The temperature was 83 degrees at 8 am. By the time I returned to the new as yet officially unnamed house, it was three and a half hours later, and 14 degrees warmer. 90% of my stuff, including an antediluvian big-screen tv which was literally TOO big for our apartment, was in the proper rooms of the new house. I had lifted NOTHING. FW and her friend stood by and watched as three hulking masses of testosterone came and snatched up everything that wasnt nailed down. They broke down beds (in the literal sense, although to hear FW tell it, perhaps in the metaphorical sense they may have been equally as capable.) disassembled tables, wrapped glass inserts and bounced. 4 miles later they unloaded it and put it all pretty much where it belonged. cost me about 5 bills not including the tip, which I decided on since it was HOTTER than fish grease in a microwave. From now on, If you intend on asking me to move, AND you are of sufficient stature in my life to actually be worthy of my assistance, expect me to hand you a check in lieu of my labor. Because not only should I not be moving you, you shouldn't be moving yourself.


Now the countdown is....FIVE MORE DAYS UNTIL SATELLITE

until then I got 4 channels. I don't even have the independent channels. Oh, the horror of it all.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The backlash

FW met the neighbors.



Clearly, we are going to be the bougie niccas on the block

I will be the mean man askin folk to not leave their itty bitty white car right in front of my house for weeeeeeeks. I am here now, move your shit.

She will be the seditty bitch who don't want you walkin on her brand new grass, that she just signed a disclaimer for saying if it dies, we are responsible for it, and did I mention that it was ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN DEGREES today?????


The neighbors next door?

Here she comes tramping her sumoesque ass up to FW all over the brand new grass, which she was moving the sprinklers on. Not a good way to endear yourself to FW, to say the least.

Woman- on workmans comp trying not to be seen doing too much "because they be watchin me."
Her Husband - Well he aint really my husband. I dont know when we gettin married, we been together so long.
Her sons - 20 (TWENTY??? FUCK YOU MEAN TWENTY??? why his ass aint in the military/school?) , 10 and 7(I've seen them little snot droppers already. I am preparing myself to talk to they parents about the critical difference between THEIR shit...which is of no concern of mine...and MY shit...which they need to steer clear of at all costs.

Talkin about " yall got a big back yard (yeah and we even went out and paid for GRASS, too.) (the fuck yall got all that dirt back there for? Ya'll the ONLY folk in the subdivision, and its a BIG Subdivision, who didnt spring for the 500 bucks to get GRASS in the back?) Yall got kids?

Hell no...well yeah I got kids..and your little heathens can't come near them. I aint even closed on this bitch and I gotta pick up exploded Fireworks shells, GREAT BIG ONES out of MY yard.


Lookin like I live between Hezbollah and the Israelis. OH HEYALL NO.


I am not at liberty to discuss the neighbors to our right, because I have not actually met them, but it does NOT look promising.

Now the folk immediately behind us? We LOVE them.

Landscaping buffs.
Real NICE folk.


The punch line???


Neighbors on either side...people of color, folk behind the big fence with the green green grass? yeah.


I think we are turning into bigots.


I was talkin to my man on the phone, and he mentioned how he just sees brothas on the corner....everyday all day doing something frightfully similar to NOTHING


I believe we as Black folk have reached a critical point in our existence.


We don't like each other very much.




I love my people...I think we all love are people...


But aren't you getting just a BIT tired of their shit?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

WHOOOOOOO'S HOUUUUUSE

Say What?




OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!


RIP Jam Master Jay



Closing was completely painless. FW and I walked out of there with a bunch of papers and into a big fat tax write-off.

Now if you will excuse ME...i got a SHIT load of work to do.


See you on the other side...


Thank you for the well wishes.


Housewarming details to come.

See, I got this old blog lying around, I was wondering if...

That smell is in the air again.


As sure as I sit here, Football is coming.


And it gives me great pleasure to announce the formation of


The As-Yet-Un-named Football Blog.

I will:
  • Predict games
  • give news
  • recap games
  • talk cash money shit about the teams of people i love
  • break down the subtle nuances of football that will make you the envy of your significant other
  • Bring a literary flair to America's greatest invention.
More details as they become available.


And Yes...there is room for you...

Especially you, Nikki. Loved the Cowboy post, even if the Cowboys annoy me.

Today!!!!!!!!!!!

After a one day delay due to some issues with FW's Travel, today is the day we go to close.



We will now have the Blog Chaplain, Oscar in Louisville, to lead the prayer...



When the Lord Speaketh, I shall post pictures of the new house.

IN the meantime, of course, there are the obligatory movement of the utilities. This may result in a brief disappearance.


But, like the last roach, I shall return.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

The Arthur M. Mitchell Memorial Book Club

Arthur Mitchell is my step-father. He is arguably the smartest man I have ever known. He had a knack for cutting through the bull of anything and honing in on the most cogent issue and then dissecting that issue and pulling out the nugget of truth upon which he lived his life.

The irony of this, is that as I scan my memory, I cannot recall Mr. Mitchell ever picking up a book. He was LITERATE, I just cannot recall him actually reading a whole lot.


What he DID, was encourage me to read.

But not only that, he taught me to balance my book knowledge with street savvy. Learn people, learn their ways. Get in their heads, as uncomfortable as that may be. As anxious as you may be to inform people, listen to them before you inform them, but always bring your own information to the table whenever possible.

It is that kind of spirit that propelled me to start the Arthur Malone Mitchell Memorial Book Club.

Starting September 1st, I will begin, in some format, perhaps here, perhaps not an online discussion of our first selection:


And how long did you think it was going to be before THIS happened

Jacob the Jeweler goes down for money laundering


Now can you REALLY say you're surprised by this.


First the Cristal boycott, now THIS!

The Sunday Post for July 16 NY Times version

NY Times

On his increasingly difficult path to re-election, Senator Joseph I. Lieberman keeps getting kissed. And not lovingly.

Kisses mock Mr. Lieberman, the incumbent Democrat, all over Connecticut — on signs, on buttons, even on giant parade floats. They commemorate the one President Bush appeared to plant on his cheek after last year’s State of the Union address, a symbol, in the eyes of Mr. Lieberman’s liberal critics, of an unforgivable alliance in support of the Iraq war.

“It’s a ‘Godfather’ kiss — one of those kisses that says, ‘I own you,’ ” said Edward Anderson, a supporter of Mr. Lieberman’s Democratic primary opponent, Ned Lamont, who was distributing “kiss” buttons outside a Lieberman campaign event in Stamford, Conn., on Monday.


NY Times

Yet many political observers have cautioned that it would be a mistake to underestimate Mr. Reed, a former director of the Christian Coalition, who has kept his head down, refusing interviews and publicizing his appearances only to the faithful. “He’s going to have to pull a miracle out,” said Matt Towery, a pollster who once ran for lieutenant governor. “And I never bar that with Ralph.”

On Thursday, Mr. Reed, wearing unscuffed cowboy boots and a star-studded belt buckle, surveyed the Cobb County event with confidence, noting that the county typically supplied 1 of every 10 Republican primary voters in the state.

“This is Ralph Reed country right here,” he told a reporter. In addition to endorsements from former Senator Zell Miller, a Democrat who has aligned himself with the conservative Christian movement, and Rudolph W. Giuliani, a presidential hopeful eager to improve his connections to religious conservatives, Mr. Reed claims to have 6,000 volunteers on the ground, including more than 70 home-schooled children from 10 states.

The Sunday Post for July 16 LA TIMES version

From The LA Times

Putin made a dagger-like reference to the turmoil that persists in Iraq, after Bush cited the "free press and free religion" there as an example for Russia.

"We certainly would not want to have the same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, I will tell you quite honestly," he said.

Bush gave a forced, I-wish-you-hadn't-said-that smile. "Just wait," he replied. He spoke so quietly that his comment could barely be heard in the front row and it was not clear whether Putin heard him.

________________________

The meetings that evolved into G-8 summits originally were conceived as a conference of the world's leading industrialized democracies — a category that some critics say fails to include Russia, either economically or politically.

Defending his political conduct, Putin said at his earlier news conference with Bush:

"We assume that nobody knows better than us how we can strengthen our own nation. But we know for sure that we cannot strengthen our nation without developing democratic institutions, and this is the path that we will certainly take. But certainly, we will do this by ourselves."

During welcoming remarks with reporters present, the two leaders did not make eye contact. And they remained silent for the several minutes that it took for the journalists to leave the room.

Only Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was able to break the ice — and that just by walking into the room in a light blue pantsuit.

Bush turned to Putin and said, "Very stylish."


Also From the LA Times

Teresa Gintner, 45, from Alabama, who last week was visiting Washington for the second time, said tourists sometimes made easy targets. "We're walking around with our heads in the clouds, looking at everything," said Gintner. After reading about the robberies, she still decided to head to the Mall but left it at dusk.

"It's a little disturbing as a tourist," said Elvira Vazquez, 30, who came to Washington along with five family members from South Central Los Angeles. "Coming from South Central L.A., we feel we can handle anything … but that does make me concerned. I thought this area was safe.

"We were thinking of staying out late and waiting until they lit up the monuments. Now I'm thinking maybe we should stick together," she added, motioning toward her son and brothers, who were about 100 yards away at the base of the Washington Monument.


From The LA Times

the vitriol of talk radio and talking-head TV and the ghosts of Rush and Bill lingering at the holidays over the years has been painful. So the lively discussions and/or shouting matches tattooed themselves on my brain, and I wrote down many of them to try to figure how it happened.

We grew up on sportsmanship and a positive attitude. Whining wasn't tolerated. Kids who whined got to vacuum, so we learned to "suck it up." Politics weren't discussed when real life was about beating Nebraska or Alabama, but it was a understood that we were Catholics and Democrats, in that order.

It was only when my father retired and Limbaugh and O'Reilly took to the airwaves that my parents became steadfast Republicans, and their newfound fervor for the right was served up along with the turkey.

Without politics and religion, my parents are the most wonderful, generous and gracious people, but throw in politics and it's time to duck behind the yucca tree.

Mother finally called a moratorium on all politics at the holidays after my husband parodied Fox News in a puppet show, igniting a fury — a wine glass flung, buttons ripped, children rushing from the room.


From LA Times


Ron Suskind's new book, "The One Percent Doctrine," paints a harrowing picture of Bush's intellectual limits. Bush, writes Suskind, "is not much of a reader." He prefers verbal briefings and often makes a horse-sense judgment based on how confident his briefer seems in what he's saying. In August 2001, the CIA was in a panic about an upcoming terrorist attack and drafted a report with the title, "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." When a CIA staffer summed up the memo's contents in a face-to-face meeting with Bush, the president found the briefer insufficiently confident and dismissed him by saying, "All right, you've covered your ass, now," according to Suskind. That turned out to be a fairly disastrous judgment. (what an understatement)

Still The LA Times

One part brilliant and three parts common sense, Obama's speech was the latest salvo in an ongoing debate within the Democratic Party. Stung by their loss in the 2004 presidential election, a growing number of prominent Democrats are, well, finding religion in religion. And with polls saying that 70% of Americans want their president to have "strong religious beliefs," it's not hard to deduce that they just might be on to something.

DP's Birthday wishes/Blog Highlight

Happy Birthday to My favorite (male) DJ.


EJ Flavors is a man with a bass clef for a heart. Music is his passion and his site reflects that. The man delivers fire with the OSW (Old School Wednesdays)

He also is a man who did not hesitate to offer technical assistance and hit me off with the random good piece of ear candy. I am honored to count him among my FEW ...PRECIOUS few male friends, either online or off.


For those of you who love DJEJ, go give him a hug and tell him that he'll love it when they call him big poppa.

For those of you who do not... act like you know and get up on Mr. Flavors.

The true losers in the Crisis Between Israel and Hezbollah

Dream Is Over in Lebanon - Los Angeles Times

The most maddening thing I experience when dealing with the crisis In Lebanon is the fact that the Lebanese are not the intended targets.

This is not a situation where a nation's citizenry is paying for the sins of its government.

This is a situation where a citizenry is suffering under the tactics of a militant religious faction that is armed by another country.

Reading this article gives me a certain sympathy for the weariness of the Lebanese, who always seem to be caught in the middle of some ish.

Word For The Week

In light of the current goings-on in and around Israel and some of the conversations that I've had over the last couple weeks regarding this round of fighting within the context of the previous rounds of fighting, I believe this would be a good time to revisit the question of whether or not the Christian is required to be a pacifist. Required?

"YOU SHALL NOT MURDER."
- God

Any questions? How about Matthew 22:37-40? Does anyone desire to be killed? Isn't it rather difficult to love your neighbor as yourself when you're killing him? Didn't Jesus speak directly to this in Matthew 5:38-48? Anybody care to argue with Jesus on that point? Maybe it would be easier to argue with Paul. Couple that with Romans 12:17-21 and I have to ask the question: How can a Christian justify war?

The pacifists' position is alluring to the Christian because of our desire to live at peace with all men. We believe in and strive for harmonious relations with all people everywhere such that we may bring them the good news of our salvation. We try to emulate Jesus who, when taken by the Romans to be accused, beaten and crucified, never said a mumbling word. Given this, war is a difficult proposition for the Christian. It does not, however, preclude our support for and participation in just wars. As we seek to emulate Jesus Christ we must emulate his entire character, not just one aspect of it. As we seek to fulfill the commands of God we must reflect God's entire character and nature. God is indeed forbearing, bearing the transgressions of sinners for ages, but God is also just, bringing justice upon the heads of transgressors. Yes, God pours out His mercy upon those who will repent and receive it, yet God also pours out His wrath upon the unrepentant. You cannot have one without the other, we cannot divide God's character into sections we like and sections we'd rather not speak about - we must take God as He has revealed Himself to us, the whole enchilada. That said, how can Christians possibly justify war? Isn't the Bible straightforward on this point, particularly in the passages already mentioned? Let us look at these verses in detail.

Exodus 20:13 says, "You shall not murder." It does not say, "You shall not kill." What is the difference? The original Hebrew conveys the idea of laying-in-wait, what we would call 1st degree murder. Further illuminating the idea of this passage is the case law that followed it, the practical application of the Ten Commandments. Consider Exodus 21:12-14. This is a clarification of the "You shall not murder" command, highlighting the point that the prohibition is against, contemporarily speaking, sneaking up on somebody and shooting him in the back of the head. On the other hand, if they happen to encounter each other and get into a fight and one dies (2nd or 3rd degree murder), the survivor was to go to a safe haven where no vendetta could be carried out against him. The point here is fairness - do not sneak up on someone to kill him but give him a fighting chance by dealing with him face-to-face, man-to-man. The point here is justice, doing that which is just.

We see even more clearly that God was not prohibiting all taking of human life by His reaction to the Israelites' apostasy a few chapters later in Exodus 32:25-29. Clearly, God didn't have a problem with men killing other men.

But that's the Old Testament, what about the New? What about the Sermon on the Mount? Could Jesus have been any clearer on the pacifistic nature of the believer? The truth is that we must interpret Jesus' words as He intended them in this passage - hyperbolically. Hyperbole is exaggeration for effect, a literary device used to draw attention to an important point. When a suitor tell his lover, "I'll die if I don't see you today" he is exaggerating to make the point that he wants to see her. He knows that he is exaggerating and she knows that he is exaggerating. However, when the doctor calls you and says, "You'll die if I don't see you today," that is not hyperbole and you'd better take that literally.

So how can we tell the difference? One way is to see if literal interpretation would achieve the stated objective. Consider the passage just before the "eye-for-an-eye" section, Matthew 5:27-37. Would ripping out your eye keep you from lusting? Would cutting off your hand keep you from committing adultery? How long would it take for all of society to be handless and eyeless? Days? Minutes? Seconds? Is that the objective of the passage? Obviously not. Furthermore, where in the New Testament do we see anyone plucking out eyes or cutting off hands? Did those who heard these words of Jesus interpret them literally or did they understand them to be hyperbolic?

How does divorcing one's wife make her to commit adultery? Does the simple fact that her husband left her make her an adulteress? Again, this is hyperbole. Marrying one who has been divorced would be adultery if the previous man were still considered to be her husband, however Jesus seemed to take a different view with the Samaritan woman in John 4. If Jesus took the position that only her first husband was her true husband then in verses 17-18 He should have said, "You have incorrectly said, 'I have no husband' for you have broken faith with the husband of your youth and have been with five different men since leaving your husband." However, that is not what Jesus said. Jesus actually affirmed the fact that she had no husband in verse 17. If she has no husband then she does not commit adultery when she marries someone. Clearly, Matthew 5:31-32 is hyperbole as well.

Was Jesus against oaths? When He was brought before the High Priest he said not a word. However, when the High Priest put him under oath, Jesus responded. Look at Matthew 26:62-64. Jesus broke His silence because He was placed under oath and He respected it. Jesus' teaching was not that oaths were invalid but that their use to obfuscate commitments was invalid. Look at Jesus' correction of the Pharisaic abuse of oaths in Matthew 23. Jesus' teaching on oaths was not that oaths were innately wrong but that men must not try to weasel out of their commitments. Jesus' teaching on divorce was not that divorce is the unpardonable sin but that men ought not divorce their wives. Jesus teaching on lust was not that men ought to mutilate themselves but that they should control themselves. Jesus used hyperbole to communicate these truths in this section of the Sermon on the Mount as He continued to the end of the chapter.

Jesus was also correcting the additions to the Law and misinterpretations of the Law by the Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes. The concept of "Eye for an Eye" had been mangled from its original intent of proportionality. Look at Exodus 21:22-25:

If men struggle with each other and strike a woman with child so that she gives birth prematurely, yet there is no injury, he shall surely be fined as the woman's husband may demand of him, and he shall pay as the judges decide. But if there is any further injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
This clear command for proportionality in justice had been misrepresented to mean that each person is entitled to personally seek vengeance for any and every wrong suffered. Jesus demolished this misrepresentation by saying that not only do you not avenge yourself eye for eye, tooth for tooth, but instead you turn the other cheek - exposing your other eye and the rest of your teeth. Jesus used hyperbole to expose the wrongness of the teachings of the teachers of the Law.

The teachers of the Law also misrepresented the command to love your neighbor by adding, "and hate your enemy." Jesus wiped this one clean by retorting directly, not hyperbolically, that we must love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. He proceeds to explain why we should do this in verses 45-48, ending the section of hyperbole as He moved into a mode of didactic teaching. Thus, the passiveness inferred by pacifists from this passage is not a norm for all of life. We are to love our enemies and pray for those who would bring us harm, but we are also to defend ourselves.

Consider Luke 22:35-38:

And He said to them, "When I sent you out without money belt and bag and sandals, you did not lack anything, did you?" They said, "No, nothing." And He said to them, "But now, whoever has a money belt is to take it along, likewise also a bag, and whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one. For I tell you that this which is written must be fulfilled in Me, 'AND HE WAS NUMBERED WITH TRANSGRESSORS'; for that which refers to Me has its fulfillment." They said, "Lord, look, here are two swords." And He said to them, "It is enough."
Did Jesus tell them to get rid of their swords? No. Did Jesus remind them about turning the other cheek? No. Jesus said, "It is enough." There is debate over the exact meaning of this passage, but one thing is clear: Jesus did not oppose self-defense here. Even in the garden of Gethsemane when Jesus rebuked Peter for attacking the servants of the High Priest Jesus notes that He could call legions of angels to fight for his defense. Look at Matthew 26:52-54:
Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place; for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword. Or do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once put at My disposal more than twelve legions of angels? How then will the Scriptures be fulfilled, which say that it must happen this way?"
Jesus said that he could have angels fight on His behalf if He so chose - clearly not a passive or pacifistic statement. The pacifist will undoubtedly point out verse 52b, "for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword." Once again, we see hyperbole at work. Obviously, there are those who have made a living by means of the sword and have died fat and happy; Joseph Stalin is one example out of many. Generally speaking, however, taking up the sword long-term is hazardous to one's health - especially when taking up the sword against the strongest military power in the world, as the 1st century Jews were beginning to do. They felt the brunt of the truth of Jesus' words in 70 AD when Rome sacked Jerusalem and over 1 million people died. So the question remains, "Is it ever just to take up the sword?"

What about Paul's words on the subject? Unfortunately, Paul's words are often taken so far out of context that Paul would probably have trouble recognizing them himself. The passage that says, "for though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh" is usually quoted in isolation from its context. Look at the whole context:

Now I, Paul, myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ-- I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent! I ask that when I am present I need not be bold with the confidence with which I propose to be courageous against some, who regard us as if we walked according to the flesh. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.
In context Paul is talking about correcting ignorant speculations and beliefs about God. This passage has absolutely nothing to do with pacifism. It has everything to do with discipleship. How about the passage in Romans 12:17-21? Verse 18 is as conditional a statement as you will ever find, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." "If possible" - it may not be possible. "So far as it depends on you" - you may not have a choice. A straightforward reading of the passage gives the clear meaning - do not cause trouble.

But is it ever just to take up the sword?

Paul seemed to think so in Romans 13:3-4. Apparently, sword-bearing is not innately evil, but actually can bring God's wrath upon the one(s) who practice evil. The writer of the book of Hebrews links sword-bearing to the faith of the saints. Addressing the saints of the New Testament Church, the writer of Hebrews gave instances of Old Testament saints conquering kingdoms, becoming mighty in war, and putting foreign armies to flight as examples of faith in God, not as the faithless hardening of their hearts. They engaged in war because they believed in God - "who by faith conquered kingdoms..."

Furthermore, if bearing the sword were inherently evil, i.e. sinful, then Jesus would never be presented in that fashion. In Revelation 19:11-16 John sees the conquering Christ:

And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and wages war. His eyes are a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. He is clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies which are in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, were following Him on white horses. From His mouth comes a sharp sword, so that with it He may strike down the nations, and He will rule them with a rod of iron; and He treads the wine press of the fierce wrath of God, the Almighty. And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, "KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS."
Is Jesus ever portrayed as a murderer? Of course not, because murder is innately wrong. Is Jesus ever portrayed as an adulterer? Of course not, because adultery is innately wrong. Is Jesus ever portrayed as a thief? No - his return is portrayed as a thief comes at night, i.e. stealthily, but Jesus is never compared to the thief himself. Notice that the passages that refer to Jesus' return being as "a thief in the night" never talk about Jesus stealing anything. Yet in this passage in Revelation Jesus is presented as a warrior who strikes down the nations. If bearing the sword in this fashion were innately evil and sinful then Jesus would never be presented in this fashion. Moreover, one of the highest words of praise that Jesus had for any human being was for a soldier in Matthew 8:5-10:
And when Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, imploring Him, and saying, "Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, fearfully tormented." Jesus said to him, "I will come and heal him." But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it."

Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled and said to those who were following, "Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel."

If Jesus was a pacifist then He certainly would have taken a moment to make a point here, yet He did not. One of the first Gentiles to convert to Christianity was a centurion and his household, and the man after God's own heart, King David, bore the sword to significant success. Both the Old Testament and the New Testament confirm the fact that there are times when it is just to take up the sword - the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever - so clearly, pacifism is not mandated from the Bible.

But Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and inasmuch as we seek to live in harmony with one another, to be sympathetic, loving as brothers, compassionate and humble, not repaying evil with evil or insult with insult, but instead blessing those that curse us, pacifism is certainly allowable from a Biblical worldview, it just isn't necessarily the best way to go when someone is threatening to kill your friends and family, when someone is currently trying to kill your loved-ones, when someone has tried at least three times to eradicate you from the face of the planet then the pacifistic option might not be the one for you. If you have no enemies, if you have no interactions with others, if you are isolated from the rest of the world then it is much easier to be a pacifist.

As for me and my house, we will fight back.

May the LORD bless you and keep you;
May the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
And may the LORD,
Who wants you to accept the full characted of Christ,
May He turn His face toward you and give you peace.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Another Bush Empire Friday press release

Public Schools Perform Near Private Ones in Study - New York Times

A common Bush administration trick is to release stuff they don't want you to know on friday afternoon, too late for the 6pm nightly news cycle and perfect for the middle of the news section on the one paper people almost NEVER read, the Saturday paper.

This post goes out to my FAVORITE Public School Teacher, FW.


Here is my favorite quote:

A spokesman for the Education Department, Chad Colby, offered no praise for public schools and said he did not expect the findings to influence policy. Mr. Colby emphasized the caveat, “An overall comparison of the two types of schools is of modest utility.”

“We’re not just for public schools or private schools,’’ he said. “We’re for good schools.”





Um, WHAT?

How can the FEDERAL FUCKIN GOVERNMENT SAY, WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, MIND YOU, that they are not FOR public schools or private schools?


Maybe I am a bit naive, but I was under the impression that the Department of Education should be the NUMBER ONE cheerleader for all things public education oriented.



Yeah, I AM naive, seeing as several prominent Republicans want to abolish the entire Department of Education.

Common Sense 1 Old Wive's Tale 0

No it is NOT a good idea to open a window slightly in a Hurricane to equalize pressure.


It is really unfortunate that people latch on to misinformation and then spread it like it is Gospel. Here are some tidbits to help all of us come Hurricane Season.

Friday, July 14, 2006

People who need a good smiting

My Favorite librarian suggested as a way for me to avoid a sound thrashing at the hands of our favorite school teacher for me to make a list of people who need a good smiting.

now a Smiting is different from a good Slap, which is far from fatal. A good slap is meant to inject some sense and sensibility into them.

A smiting is not quite as harsh as a thrashing. A thrashing is prolonged and intended to cause severe pain but not fatal.


A smiting is not fatal either. but it is more than a slap. It is more like a good solid right cross to the Jaw. A smiting will stun you and slightly reorient you it is meant to tell you something. Mostly it says:

Sityaassdownsomewheresandgetyourshitogether


So let the smiting begin.

Our first victim:
Mary Winkler gets a smiting for falling for the Nigerian checking account scam email and letting it be a part of drivng her to kill her Husband, who happened to be a popular Pastor in Tennessee. A newsletter to snopes.com might have prevented some of life's pressures.

Say Hello to our NEXT victim:
One of my former Parents at the rugrat ranch gets a smiting for forcing me to withdraw her children because, SHE DOES NOT WANT THEM TO GO ON FIELD TRIPS. She doesn't want them to go to the water park because SHE is afraid of water. Now mind you, the water is literally ankle high on a toddler and in 7 years of weekly trips to the water park we don't have so much as an incident of sunburn. She doesn't want them to go to the nature museum. She doesn't want them to go ANYWHERE. She brings them in at random hours of the morning (10:30, 11, my favorite was when she said she would be in at 11(which is WAY too late and after all the learning exercises of the day) and got in at 1:15 talking about where is their lunch(lunch time is at 11:30)) and THEN she says, when I have the audacity to suggest that a Day Care facility that does field trips three days a week may not be a good fit for her, SHE says

"I don't WANT to take them out, they actually learn stuff here."
Me(in my head): Bitch, no they don't, cause, they aint never HERE when the kids are learning stuff. And WHY aint they here? Its cause YOUR ass don't wanna get up to bring them here at the time they are supposed to get here (9 o'clock is when classroom time starts). we let you drop they asses off anytime you want with NO regard to classroom continuity and then I gotta sit here and watch they dusty (literally) asses cause YOU wanna raise a couple of couch raisins.

Hell to the naw...Bounce...and Ima pray for ya kids..cause you aint shit.

oh wait...let me NOT forget THIS little tidbit.

This chick used to drive a pontiac sunfire that was appropriately beaten down. she paid apparently some number close to 450 dollars a month for it. A few months ago, a truck dropped some stuff on it and it got totaled out...


This chick takes the fairly significant amount of money you get when a truck drops some stuff on your car on the Airport Freeway and totals it and goes out and gets one of THESE



That my friends, is a 2003 Mercedes CLK. She lives in a section 8 riddled apartment in Funkytown. her kids have not gotten so much as new sneakers.

FW wants to beat her ass (thats the Queens in her) and insists we should start checking milk cartons cause she wants them cooped up all the time.

Doesnt matter now...Her and the dusty duo are gone.

Our third smite goes to
My former Teacher for stealing from the hand that is going to feed her. Cause when you steal from my people you steal from ME. And we just cannot have that.

Smite Number Four:
Bobby Brown. Go SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, PLEASE. There are too many folk on the list to really outline the details of his case, but I hear the performance in Houston for Essence was legendary. And not in a good way.

Brown performed with New Edition Sunday at the Essence Music Festival in Houston. By the time they were finished, the audience was screaming for Brown to get off the stage. The other five members kept up their slick choreography, but Brown was running wildly around the stage and doing raunchy dance moves. Brown left the stage as the rest of the group did some ballads, then Brown did a solo set. He continued with the raunchiness, took off his shirt and talked about his sex life with Whitney Houston. By the time he finished "My Prerogative," fans were yelling for him to leave.


I don't care who you are, that ain't good. Surely, between Myspace legend BobbiKristina and the rise and fall biopic waiting to happen, Ms. Houston he should have enough going on at home to see to.

Victim numbers Five and Six the final one for THIS list.


Marlon and Shawn Wayans - Something has GOT to be done about this.

The last three movies Shawn and Marlon Wayans made together have a combined U.S. gross of almost $300 million. That's more than the last dozen by Spike Lee.

(i stole this quote from a review of Little Man ,which I will not mention is in theaters lest you decide to actually GO AND SEE IT. We will now pause as i think this may be an exaggeration)

According to this page, Spike Lee in his last TWELVE movies has grossed 219.9 million dollars
Inside Man 2006
She Hate Me 2004
25th Hour 2002
Bamboozled 2000
Original Kings of Comedy 2000
Summer of Sam 1999
He Got Game 1998
Get on the Bus 1996
4 Little Girls 1997
Clockers 1995
Crooklyn 1994

To get to 300 million you would have to add
Malcolm X and Jungle Fever and you would STILL have some money left...adding Mo Better Blues will give you about 310.

Yanno what...i take that back..the next set of victims are ALL YALL MOFOS WHO SAY YALL WANT GOOD MOVIES AND THEN DONT SUPPORT SPIKE.

I'll Smite the Wayans brothers later.

and I WILL SMITE THEM


Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Thursday MindPurge

Sometime today I will be making one of those trips that really makes you take stock of things.

Today, I am taking FW to the airport. She is going to Albany, NY to play teacher with a bunch of other teachers, on one of those education junkets.


You know, where a bunch of really good teachers sit around and trade horror stories about how bad and how stupid your kids are and how crappy the pay is, in between seminars about how to be better, if still woefully underpaid.

This reminds me; for those of you disagree with the notion that teachers are underpaid, please be aware that SOME teachers aren't worth the red ink they carelessly spread around on the papers of the children they lead slowly, but surely, down the road to marginal literacy.

And we won't even SPEAK on what they (and now I) pay pre-school and day care instructors.

It may be Quasi-Criminal, but it's truthfully all I can afford to pay them.

Anyhow, My FW will be gone and I will be left in a partially packed apartment with the task of not doing anything stupid for the next 4 days.

Needless to say, the safest and cheapest place I can be is right in front of this monitor. Now the trick is, to actually make this time productive.

pack a lunch boys and girls, prime-productivity time doesn't come along very often. Let us see if I can avoid squandering it.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Idle thought #2

I am an engaged man surrounded by eligible attractive women who value my friendship enough to letme be happily engaged. I listen to their stories about the men they date and find myself wondering who these men talk to when they think (!!!!!!!) out the things they do. This "line-of-thinking" that said men appear to be employing, is often the exact opposite of what fosters positive relationships with women.

Then of course, my closest male friend...the one who I turn to when ish hits the fan, just happens to be even more clear-headed and right thinking when it comes to such issues...and, oddly enough..HE is single.

I pray for all yall single folk (including me and FW, and Diva and Scribe, the marginally single) that we continue to keep our eyes on our prize...and recognize that ultimately that prize may not have a DNA code.


yeah muffugga, easy for YOU to say...you getting married. bastid.


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A question for the ages:

A question posed by FW after watching a story about YET ANOTHER dead, angelic, blonde white girl on Geraldo


FW: Why come only good people die?

Me: wha?

FW: How come bad people never die?

ME: looks back at the TV...ponders...yeah you right...I remember when Tupac got shot, every shady thing that nigra ever did just vanished and his ass turned into Langston Maya Angelou Nikki Giovanni Dunbar from the Last Poets. *don't EVER get me started on Tupac*



(We watch as Geraldo detailed just how wonderful lil miss Becky was. So wonderful that the family started details about just WHERE her donated organs went to. )

FW: man, this some Bullllllish. I bet if I searched long enough I could find some gutta shit she did. Bet she was a shady hoe in college. Yeah..Geraldo aint gonna dig the dirt for that.

baby...If I die. Make sure someone gets equal time. Cause It aint right for me to be turned into some angel. I did my dirt and I aint shamed.

Cause when YOU die, ain't NO BODY getting the mike...Specially them broads swoonin over you on the net...unless they tell the truth. Cause Ima let the world KNOW...you was a good dude and all...but you was a hypocritical lazy nastard mofo, too.

Dat muffugga leave his nassy boxers on the flo. And they can hum and rock and sway to DAT!

Sheeeeit.


So when this happens...you cant say you weren't warned.

And the winner for saddest story of 2006

Up to 10 accused of assault of girl, 11

This makes me sad and angry.

What is really disturbing about this is the fact that some of these boys (hell if you messin with 11 yr old girls, MEN isn't a word I am inclined to use to describe you) appeared to have REAL talent and were positioned to receive a college degree and make something of themselves.

Of course, now, the whole ENTIRE book is about to be thrown at them.

If they let me, I got a few books I'd like to throw.

E-L-E-V-E-N.

I wince at the mere NOTION of such a thing.

Idle Thought

I was talking to a good...REALLY good friend of mine, and she was remarking about the fact that men...not just BLACK men in particular, but MEN in GENERAL, seem to be in a hurry to get the goodies.

I couldnt answer her question, but I could ask one of my own.


With all the folk crushin with no remorse in these days, and all the germs and viruses passing back and forth, why aren't folk slowing their roll?


what about YOU?


How gully are YOU keeping it?

Tuesday Mind Purge

I fired my first employee yesterday.

It isn't a hard call to make when you got folk stealing from your best employees.

And they are practically family.


Stealing money out another woman's purse is a good way to catch more than a pink slip, but fortunately I employ good Christian women.

Of COURSE, the recently separated had to put on the tried and true performance

"gimme my money now." (no..dont be stupid. Hell I AINT GET MY LAST CHECK YET. you better spend that money you plundered)

"i dont need to steal." (no one NEEDS to steal...they just WANT to)

"cant stand working for niggas" (GTFOHWTBS...we HIRED YOU...off the street, and you come into a family business and STEAL FROM US???? Sometimes i cant stand HIRING niggas)


ok that went too far..lemme go do some work and come back to this.

Bits and Pieces

So much going on and so little time to address it all. I am not going to even PROMISE to try and elaborate on these tidbits.

  • Ryan Howard is the real deal. If you have ANY affinity for baseball, you need to go to MLB.com and peep his show at the HomeRun Derby.Of course, seeing one of the prettiest baseball parks in the world helps too. Shame the team that occupies it is perpetually sorry.
  • FW and I got into a pretty humorous argument about the newsworthyness of US Senator Orrin Hatch making a few phone calls and getting Dallas Austin out of Jail. Somewhere along the line, she called me a hypocrite, saying that if the BEst man went down like that, or even called me cause some random dude he knew was going down, that I would exercise whatever pull I have to help him. my response was, yeah, but you know I ride for my peoples like that, and I am on record as doing so. But Senator Orrin Hatch is not such a man. He is more inclined to sit up in his Glass Grand mansion on Moral High Ground Drive and throw stones. ( see Hill vs. Thomas, and Monica Gate)
  • The more I read about these arrests for these "foiled terrorist plots", the more I feel manipulated by the administration. Again.
  • I smell football in the air.

Monday, July 10, 2006

We interrupt this morning's mind purge...

So, I was all set to embark on a nice little rant about one thing or another when I got a gift in the mail while sitting at the rugrat ranch.


( I got a letter from the government the other day, I opened and read it, they said they were suckas.) Classic line


12 letters from the IRS.


Monday morning mind purge over.


sorry.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Three Hundred. What?

Here I am, not quite a year later, and I am Making Post number Three Hundred.

Going back to Live from the Cerebral vortex...where It all started.

Something Like this...

I woke up this morning and vowed to write something. Anything. So here I am. I wiped out all the posts that appeared previously on this blog and said I would start all over.

Again.


Again...Again. -Live From the Cerebral Vortex, Saturday, July 16, 2005

Yeah, something like that.

Three hundred posts, fifty-one weeks

Untold numbers of visits

New friends, from near and far.

Friends who I thought had fulfilled their season in my life, only to return anew.

I have had a ball this year. With all the trials and tribulations of the past 365 days(358 but you know what I mean) It has been a real experience.

I have probably reach the apex of what my faithful pawnshop special can do, so its replacement is fairly imminent, seeing as I am on the verge of bigger and better things.

God has surrounded me with people I have been able to help and people who have helped me as well.

So, what does the future hold for this here blog?


I dunno.

  • Splitting the Blog and going anonymous with my personal exploits while posting official musings and rantings on this one.
  • An All football blog? A Sports specific blog?
  • A group blog?
  • my own .com?
Yes, the decisions will come fast and furious. Or not.

In the meantime:

  • We move
  • we continue to adjust to life at the ranch
  • We prepare ourselves for marital bliss
What a year it has been, thank you for sharing it with me.

Onward and forward.



Word For The Week

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,

Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

A couple weeks ago Senator Barak Obama spoke at the Call to Renewal Conference sponsored by Sojourners made some poignant points about the thorny issue of religion and progressive politics. Senator Obama gave his personal testimony, detailing his journey from skepticism to faith in Jesus Christ (something, by the way, that we are yet to hear from a certain president - "When I was young and irresponsible, I was young and irresponsible"), giving the reason for the hope that he has in Christ Jesus our Lord. This is what all Christians are called to do - with gentleness and respect - so that people will have to address the claims of Christ and not our behavior.

This is the single biggest problem with the Religious Right from a Christian point of view - they sully the cause of Christ with their in-your-face politics and attaching such politicking to the name of Christ. I have said it before that the Religious Right must be opposed directly by those who believe in the authority of Scripture and who believe that Scripture mandates a progressive view of politics. Those who believe that the Bible authoritatively commands us to live in harmony with one another - to be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble - and to pursue political policies that reflect those values need to speak up in such a way that those who speak maliciously against our good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. Those who speak maliciously against the Religious Right often have no reason to be ashamed because the behavior that they see from so-called Christians is anything but good. Too often people are forced to reject association with so-called Christians rather than dealing with the claims of Christ Himself, and that is the fault of the Religious Right and their politicking.

What shall we do?

The answer for political progressives is that we must speak from our core about what we value, what we believe, and how we apply those beliefs in private practice and in public policies. We must explain what we believe and show how our actions flow from our beliefs. People must see that our actions and policies flow from our source of authority, from our core beliefs, and that we will not waver from those core beliefs and policies. It is that character, that integrity that has been lacking from progressive politics since Clinton's third way triangulated Bill into the White House and the Democratic Party into the outhouse. Triangulation was a one-time tactic that worked for an exceptional politician, but as a long-term strategy it necessarily fails. The Democratic Party has taken a cynical view of the voting public in thinking that form trumps function, in thinking that certain traits and certain buzz-words will convince people to vote for a candidate to whom they have no other connetion.

This is why the Democratic Party nominated Senator "Milquetoast" Kerry over Governor Howard Dean, a man who would now be president if he had stuck to his guns on the Confederate flag comment and refused to try to sound overtly religious when he doesn't roll like that. Howard Dean should have stood firm and explained what he believed about appealing to guys with confederate flags on their pickups - the same thing that Martin Luther King meant in his sermon, The Drum Major Instinct:
The other day I was saying, I always try to do a little converting when I'm in jail. And when we were in jail in Birmingham the other day, the white wardens and all enjoyed coming around the cell to talk about the race problem. And they were showing us where we were so wrong demonstrating. And they were showing us where segregation was so right. And they were showing us where intermarriage was so wrong. So I would get to preaching, and we would get to talking—calmly, because they wanted to talk about it. And then we got down one day to the point—that was the second or third day—to talk about where they lived, and how much they were earning. And when those brothers told me what they were earning, I said, "Now, you know what? You ought to be marching with us. You're just as poor as Negroes." And I said, "You are put in the position of supporting your oppressor, because through prejudice and blindness, you fail to see that the same forces that oppress Negroes in American society oppress poor white people. And all you are living on is the satisfaction of your skin being white, and the drum major instinct of thinking that you are somebody big because you are white. And you're so poor you can't send your children to school. You ought to be out here marching with every one of us every time we have a march."

Now that's a fact. That the poor white has been put into this position, where through blindness and prejudice, he is forced to support his oppressors. And the only thing he has going for him is the false feeling that he’s superior because his skin is white—and can't hardly eat and make his ends meet week in and week out.

Howard Dean firmly believed that we have kinship with such voters and that we do them harm by abandoning them to the Republican Party, a party that does not have their best interests at heart. Howard Dean was saying that the poor White has been put into this position, where through blindness and prejudice, he is forced to support his oppressors, and that the Democratic Party was the blind bigot. Howard Dean believed that the Democratic Party had to practice tolerance and not just preach it to others, such that people who don't walk and talk like Birkenstocked liberals could call the Democratic Party home. Howard Dean believed that the Democratic Party didn't belong to NARAL or ACT UP or the AFL-CIO or the NAACP or AIPAC or the NRA or National Right to Life or any specific interest group - Howard Dean believed that we, the voting public, had the power to make the Party into a platform for progressive policies that would change this country for the better.

Senator Kerry believed that he was electible.

People vote their values - not simply a certain subset currently called "values voters" but all voters vote their values. Those who value the right of a woman to choose an abortion over all other values will vote their values, as will those who value the life of an unborn child over all other values. Those who value a living wage will vote their values, as will those who value a corporation's freedom to set its own wage policies. Those who value American Idol and XBox 360 will vote their values as well - either by not voting at all or by haphazardly voting for whomever sounds familiar. Everyone votes their values - everyone - and the challenge for progressives is to state our values in such a way that people can relate to our values even when they cannot relate to us.

The answer for the Christian is the same - we must live our lives in such a way that people see Jesus Christ in our every word and deed. People must associate our every action with Jesus Christ, be that in how we carry ourselves at work, how we interact in politics, or how we present ourselves online, our every action must flow from our faith in Jesus Christ. That must be evident to everyone who witnesses our activities because if we call ourselves Christians then we are indeed witnessing about our faith in Jesus Christ and what that means in our day-to-day living. The question is this: what are we testifying about Jesus Christ in our daily lives? That we cherry-pick the commands that we'll follow? That we're good with the loving-you-neighbor thing but the sexual purity thing is for the birds? That we're good on the sexual purity thing but the rendering-unto-Caesar thing is addressing someone else? That we're good on rendering unto Caesar but some of our neighbors are simply unlovable? What are we witnessing about Jesus Christ?

For too many Christians, and I am no exception, there is too much "me" in our faith - our faith is not centered on Jesus Christ, it is centered on ourselves. We don't submit to His will, we expect Him to conform to our will. We don't want to work for His Kingdom, we expect Him to help build up us and ours. We have too many self-centered saints playing in the Kingdom, such that in many instances our hope lies not in Christ Jesus our Lord but in ourselves. In our hearts we have not set apart Christ as Lord, we have set Christ apart as Lackey: "Go get me this, get me out of that, do for me!" It's all about self for too many saints, and this is why many people who call themselves Christians will find themselves saying, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" just to hear Jesus plainly say, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!"

Our testimony is more than just some words out of our mouth, it is the life that we live and we must live in such a way as to let our light so shine that people will see our good works and glorify God in heaven. People are quick - lightning quick - to demand that nobody judges them, but the truth is that if you call yourself a Christian then the world is already judging you, and it is the responsibility of fellow Christians to inform you - with gentleness and meekness - of your error, of my error, or of our errors. I am not my brother's judge but I am my brother's keeper - and he is mine - and we have a responsibility to each other to help each other to walk the straight and narrow way that leads to life, because we are living stones, living testimonies to the grace of God found in Jesus Christ. It's not about you doing your thing or me doing my thing, it's about us doing God's thing, and that must be the testimony of the Christian if we are indeed to be Christ-like. Senator Obama gave his testimony for all to see, to match his talk against his walk, and while we may disagree on some minor details we certainly agree on the big picture: we must submit to His will and dedicate ourselves to discovering His truth.

What's your testimony?

May the LORD bless you and keep you;
May the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
And may the LORD,
Who wants you to be a living testimony,
May He turn His face toward you and give you peace.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Yes, that's right, another repost.

While I flail about with a thousand things to write about and a million reasons not to post...here is another repost for those of you who are allergic to archives or just got here.



105 Things about Me

  1. My given name is David Wayne Parrish, Jr.

  2. I am the Father of two sons

  3. I am named after my father who I believe is named after the actor David Wayne.

  4. My oldest son is named after me...and I would have named all my sons David...if it wasn't so unfair.

  5. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA, where I attended an all Black elementary school and an all Black High School.

  6. I was reading before I was potty trained

  7. Raised on PBS and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

  8. I Wasted one of the most lucrative college scholarships ever offered for reasons that I cannot truly explain in this forum, although I am sure I will address it.

  9. I have one younger brother who is infinitely more charming than I am.

  10. My Father died of an aneurysm in 2000.

  11. I spend a lot of my time trying to avoid mistakes my father made, something that is much easier said than done, since he was nice enough to pass on all his faults to me.

  12. My step-father died when I was 13 after marrying my mother when I was 7.

  13. He died of Lung Cancer at the age of 53. I vowed to never smoke a cigarette (or anything else) after that and never did.

  14. That man spent his last months on earth cramming life lessons about being a Black man into me that I wish I was old enough to process at the time he told me. I would have had a much easier road in life if I had grasped what he was instilling in me.

  15. My mother is #4 of five daughters and one son born to my maternal grandmother, a woman who has 6 children 24 grand-children, 37 great-grandchildren, 12 great great grandchildren and has not had a negative word spoken about her in my lifetime.

  16. I am the only one of my deceased paternal grandmother's grandchildren with two Black parents. She had three sons and only one of them, my father, married a Black Woman.

  17. My mother is left-handed, I am left-handed, but neither of my sons are left handed.

  18. I wet the bed until I was well into my teens.

  19. I sleep so hard, it sometimes amazes me that I still don't wet the bed.

  20. I lost about 35 lbs during my freshman year of college.

  1. I have never seen ET

  2. My Father was a professional drummer for many years, playing for the R&B group Samson and Deliliah, George Benson, Earl Klugh, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, and some others.

  3. I played drums (and trombone) at Westinghouse High School for a band director who graduated from Grambling.

  4. I attended Florida A&M University for two years on the aforementioned lucrative scholarship that I pissed away for reasons I shan't discuss. Today.

  5. I met the two men I would go to war with if it went down tomorrow. One of them will be my best man at my second wedding. The other stood by and watched while I broke one, no two, no three, no four of the 10 commandments. Which is what your boys do when you act an ass. Stand by and watch while you FUBAR on your own accord. Then stroll by and help you pick up the pieces.

  6. I am an original hip-hop head from the break dancing days

  7. Every 2 years or so, I vow to walk away from hip-hop, leaving it to the children and lil white boys it craves to market itself to. Then a project comes along to pull me back in.

  8. This year, those projects were Late Registration, The Craft and The Minstrel Show.

  9. I am not afraid to admit i will cry at movies.

  10. Last movie I cried at was Coach Carter. Something about father son scenes really pulls at the heartstrings for me.

  11. My sons live with my ex-wife, although I hope to spend their puberty years with primary custody.

  12. I have received mail in the following states: Pennsylvania, Florida, Connecticut, California, Maryland, Texas.

  13. I am a cat person who owns a Shih-tzu named Casey. This is what happens when you marry a dog person.

  14. I am marrying a Fourth-grade teacher in the FWISD, who happens to be a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.

  15. My first wedding was on my ex-wife's birthday

  16. My last wedding will not be on my birthday although my honeymoon will still be the day after my birthday. My wedding will be someday this year.

  17. My ex-wife was a Mets fan originally from the Bronx currently living in Maryland.

  18. My future wife is Yankees fan originally from Queens, currently living in Texas

  19. My ex-wife was a track star

  20. My future wife was a softball star.

  21. I dunked a basketball on a regulation rim exactly twice.

  22. I was a horrible athlete growing up.

  23. I distinctly remember being force-fed soccer in elementary school, back when the powers that be were intent on making the US a soccer power. 30 years later, they are still trying.

  24. I am a registered Democrat, although that means absolutely nothing to me.

  25. I will likely go to my grave having never been a registered Republican, although I grow more conservative by the day.

  26. This factoid is purely the fault of the Republican Party, as the Democrats have done NOTHING to ensure my continued membership.

  27. I once ran a political campaign for city council.

  28. I will likely never do that again.

  29. I believe that people who WRITE about politics have far more influence than people who work in politics at the current time.

  30. I have no public political opinion on Abortion because I believe it has no place in the political discussion. IMO, you would do better arguing the criminality of bypass surgery, because, in effect, it is a medical procedure.

  31. I still struggle keeping my shoes tied.

  32. I attended Space Camp, where i was the first African-American to finish both levels.

  33. I lost my virginity at the age of 19

  34. I spent a portion of my childhood eating Cheerios with apple juice because I was allergic to Milk.

  35. I was also allergic to Citrus, chocolate, Seafood, eggs and tomatoes.

  36. I am probably the only person in history to be accepted to Princeton, and Georgetown, but not into Hampton.

  37. I have always been self-conscious about my looks.

  38. I still swear that Suge Knight was involved in the murders of BOTH Tupac and Biggie.

  39. After much thought and a little bit of research, I have decided that ultimately, i don't care who killed Kennedy, although I am confident the government knows far more than we will ever find out.

  40. I have a fairly detailed outline of what I will do if I ever win the lottery for over 100 million dollars. The only time I will play is when the jackpot gets at least that high.

  41. I was terrified that I would be short, since I didn't make five feet until I was 13

  42. I grew up being picked on for being a nerd, a term that has always tormented me, to the point that I will get an attitude if you say it even in what you term a complimentary fashion.

  43. I have been waiting tables either full time or part time for almost 20 years.

  44. That experience has given me an extensive knowledge of food and drink and taught me how to cook extremely well.

  45. I have lived in Fort Worth, TX since March, 2004.

  46. I work part-time in Arlington, TX, which has the distinction of being the largest municipality in the WORLD without public transportation.

  47. My first crush was a girl named Cecily Jones. We were in school together in second grade. I saw her about two years ago. She remembered me by name and everything. I didn't know who she was until she mentioned her name.

  48. She and I made the front page of the itty bitty community Newspaper that Thanksgiving. She was “the little Black Girl” and I was...yes you get it.

  49. I am light complexioned(can't bring myself to say light-skinneded), although my mother and father are both fairly dark-skinned.

  50. I saw my first porn on a Betamax when I was 14.

  51. I have never really gotten into porn. I equate it to watching a tape of OTHER PEOPLE riding a roller coaster.

  52. My earliest experience with fireworks is crying like an absolute banshee at the Bicentennial Fireworks celebration in 1976. Now I LOVE fireworks. And stuff Blowing up.

  53. You could never convince me Magic Johnson didn't get HIV from a man.

  54. I root AGAINST teams moreso than I root FOR teams in basketball.
  55. I fill out a bracket religiously for March Madness. I always take those two days off for the first two rounds when ball is on all day.
  56. I would love baseball a lot more if there was revenue sharing and a salary cap.
  57. Instituting those two things would ultimately make my home life more difficult.
  58. I can procrastinate with the best of them.
  59. my favorite color is black
  60. My car has 310 THOUSAND miles on it.(it is a 1993)
  61. The last CD I bought was Ghetto Classics by Jaheim
  62. I am currently reading Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey
  63. I try to go to the movies about once a week.
  64. I have not had cable since July of LAST year...it has been most frustrating.
  65. I will not have cable until we move into our new house this summer
  66. I watch very little television, because most of what is on regular television is hard to watch.
  67. I am not a fan of reality television, although I find myself watching it more than I care to admit.
  68. I would rather watch American Idol on mute with Swahili subtitles than sit through _______ with the Stars. (skating, Dancing, skeet shooting, losing weight, whateva)
  69. I am a bonafied Movie Snob, Although Friday is still the funniest movie I have EVER seen.
  70. I think even random, pedestrian rappers (Fabolous is the archetype) are geniuses with language. I think NO such thing of rappers like Lil Jon and D4L who basically yell out stuff that may or may not rhyme over danceable (or not so danceable) tracks.
  71. I used to root for the Pittsburgh Pirates until I realized they werent going to even attempt to keep Barry Bonds (yes, that long ago)
  72. I have since become a baseball fan nomad before finally settling on the team of my betrothed, the hated( by others...not me) Yankees.
  73. As ridiculous as I think the club scene can be, there is something about me and the missus getting all gussied up and hitting a club and dancing our collective asses off that will never get old to me. (unfortunately, it was already old to her before we met)
  74. If I had theme music, it would be Flavor of the Month by Black Sheep
  75. Deep inside me, there is a best selling novel screaming to get out.
  76. If I ever ran into more money than I could ever hope to spend, the FBI would have a significant file on me, because I would spare no expense putting the evil of the government right on front street. Not that I think anyone would actually notice.
  77. My disdain for 83.7% of black media is far too expansive to be contained in this list. I LOVE Black Culture...I HATE the way it is delivered.
  78. I have waited tables for a fairly significant part of every year since 1989
  79. I made a GOOD BIT more money waiting tables and tending bar than I did working on Capitol Hill.
  80. I am a born again disciple of my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
  81. I have a frustrating relationship with organized religion, in light of #99. If pressed, I would say many folk romping the earth wielding Bibles are going to be in for QUITE a shock when the sky does indeed crack.
  82. I believe there are FAR more last days than many sitting with baited breath waiting for Jesus' return
  83. As much as I love Basketball, for some reason the NBA annoys me, and I find College Basketball like a boring 1 hour show with 5 of the most amazing minutes you've ever seen at the end every week.
  84. Condoleeza Rice will be president before Hillary Clinton. George Clinton will be president before Hillary Clinton. Jerry Rice will be president before Condoleeza Rice.
  85. This was WAY harder than I expected.

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Friday morning mind purge

When I used to work Capitol Hill, years and years ago(four or five, to be exact), I used to really get an attitude listening to folk run their mouth about running a small business. They adopted this whole holier than thou, "we employ America" attitude.

Now that I run a small business, I understand.

Every two weeks I get a headache the likes of which I have never experienced.

Making Payroll.

Paying my folks.

More than anything, even more than taking care of the kids, to a certain degree, making payroll is the single most important thing in my life.

My paycheck sits...waiting for every other paycheck I wrote this week.

I got FW breathing down my neck about stuff...but IM SWEATIN yall.

and yes that is why ya'll arent seeing me as much.

But I will get on my grind.

As soon as I get these folk paid.

Cal Ripken, I am not.

A whole day passed...and nothing.


Oh well, there is always tomorrow....of course tomorrow is already here isn't it.


Here, have an oldie but a goodie.


This was in my journal on April 4, 2005 my first day writing for myself since I moved to Texas.


April 4, 2005


Art is the soul struggling to self-actualize – bell hooks




I was sitting here pondering where to start when that quote struck me. I have started journals on several occasions and each time they fizzled out shortly after I started. Before I started this, I thought about why that was.


I never took Journaling seriously. I always thought it was about using the journal as a springboard to something tangible. I didn’t take it seriously and didn’t commit to it. It failed me or should I say I failed it. I didn’t do this first entry right, for example. I was supposed to just write, and not look back. I didn’t do that and as a result I am many words below where I should be. Even in that I should not focus. I have spent too much of my life Monday morning quarterbacking, playing the shoulda-coulda-woulda game.



All that will stop today. My hour is up. There are scrimp to sling and people to charm.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Death may be too good for this cat

Kenneth L. Lay, Ex-Chairman of Enron, Dies at 64 - New York Times

Dude said that since he didn't sell all his Enron Stock, he was financially ruined.


Then I read that he died in Aspen, in July.


I don't think there are any financially ruined folk in Aspen, CO.


I dont think too many folk in Houston will be pouring out a little Sizzurp for the dearly departed.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Official slang retirement nomination

I, David Parrish, Jr. noted afro-linguist and writer, hereby nominate the following phrase for immediate demotion from urban lingo "current" status:



"grown and sexy"

this demotion is based on level of use, emergence in mainstream advertisement, and misapplication(i.e. "grown and sexy" used as dress code, "grown and sexy" used to refer to people who are too damn old to do what they are doing)

I await a second...

More Celebration of Independence Day

Originally posted 2/10/06

Freedom for Dummies
David Parrish, Jr.

Freedom is only free to the dumb
It's almost unfair the tricks played upon us humans
The higher species, indeed
The very MOMENT...that instantaneous spAlign Centerlit second in which you delude yourself into thinking you are free-

Is the very moment the shackles lock around your limbs

You want freedom, look at your cat.
He does what he pleases, when he pleases, how he pleases

You think he pisses in that litter box out of some threat YOU pose?

That, my friend, is freedom
until you put a leash on his ass.
And see how well THAT goes.

Freedom is a goal moreso than a destination
Freedom begins and ends between your ears
The power of the gray matter is the only matter that....matters



What's that you say? Contradiction?

No.

Thought both frees you and binds you

You cannot truly be free unless your mind thinks itself out of the shackles you cannot see
for those are the bonds most difficult to break
the ones that appear the second you break the ones you can see.

that's right yall...many are LESS free NOW...than we were when they had us in actual CHAINS. At least then, we all knew what held us down. right now..do you have ANY IDEA what really holds you down? I digress...let me free myself from this line of thinking and get back to the poem.see how tricky this freedom thing can be...you can get bound by ONE thing in the midst of freeing yourself from another.

Beware the man who proclaims his freedom as though he achieved it.
Freedom comes from without...but is cultivated within

As long as you seek freedom from within your quest for free gets dumber and dumber

He who the Son sets free...is free indeed.

and now you are free from the tyranny of my own lack of freedom

And here I thought they had better things to do...

CNN.com - Christian film's PG rating troubles Congress - Jul 3, 2006

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A Christian-themed movie about a football coach's faith in God is finding an audience in Congress -- not so much for its inspirational message, but for the PG rating it received.

House Majority Whip Roy Blunt and other lawmakers are demanding explanations after hearing complaints that the movie "Facing the Giants" was rated PG instead of G due to religious content.

A PG rating means parental guidance is suggested because the MPAA believes some material may not be suitable for children. A G rating means the MPAA has found the movie acceptable for all audiences.


DP Says:

If you ask me, ALL movies should be at least PG. Should you REALLY plop your little rugrat down in front of the boob tube or Big screen with NO KNOWLEDGE of what is going on in the film?

Where I have been



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

The states in red mark the states I have visited. It is my intention to knock out New Mexico and Nevada this year. I hope to have addressed them all by the time I hit 45 or so.

In true East Coast Negro fashion, I have colored out most of the states with fairly significant portions of Black folk and the entire eastern portion of the US...south of Boston.You know how we roll.

North Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming figure to be the hard ones to knock out. I am going to avoid going for the explicit purpose of having said I have been and wait for life to just take me there.



I have pretty good reasons to go everywhere else.

South Dakota has Mount Rushmore
There is Denver and Seattle and Portland to knock out Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.
I even heard Boise is pretty cool

Arizona is an easy score.

I am guessing I will knock out New England all at once.

I will accept

The Annual Fourth of July Post

As long as I have been blogging, dating back to December, 2001, I celebrate the fourth of July by distributing one of my favorite speeches of all time.

Here it is, ALL OF IT.



Frederick Douglass, "What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?" 5 July 1852

Occasion: Meeting sponsored by the Rochester Ladies' Anti-Slavery Society, Rochester Hall, Rochester, N.Y. To illustrate the full shame of slavery, Douglass delivered a speech that took aim at the pieties of the nation -- the cherished memories of its revolution, its principles of liberty, and its moral and religious foundation. The Fourth of July, a day celebrating freedom, was used by Douglass to remind his audience of liberty's unfinished business.





Mr. President, Friends and Fellow Citizens: He who could address this audience without a quailing sensation, has stronger nerves than I have. I do not remember ever to have appeared as a speaker before any assembly more shrinkingly, nor with greater distrust of my ability, than I do this day. A feeling has crept over me, quite unfavorable to the exercise of my limited powers of speech. The task before me is one which requires much previous thought and study for its proper performance. I know that apologies of this sort are generally considered flat and unmeaning. I trust, however, that mine will not be so considered. Should I seem at ease, my appearance would much misrepresent me. The little experience I have had in addressing public meetings, in country school houses, avails me nothing on the present occasion.

The papers and placards say, that I am to deliver a 4th [of] July oration. This certainly sounds large, and out of the common way, for it is true that I have often had the privilege to speak in this beautiful Hall, and to address many who now honor me with their presence. But neither their familiar faces, nor the perfect gage I think I have of Corinthian Hall, seems to free me from embarrassment.

The fact is, ladies and gentlemen, the distance between this platform and the slave plantation, from which I escaped, is considerable — and the difficulties to be overcome in getting from the latter to the former, are by no means slight. That I am here to-day is, to me, a matter of astonishment as well as of gratitude. You will not, therefore, be surprised, if in what I have to say, I evince no elaborate preparation, nor grace my speech with any high sounding exordium. With little experience and with less learning, I have been able to throw my thoughts hastily and imperfectly together; and trusting to your patient and generous indulgence, I will proceed to lay them before you.

This, for the purpose of this celebration, is the 4th of July. It is the birthday of your National Independence, and of your political freedom. This, to you, is what the Passover was to the emancipated people of God. It carries your minds back to the day, and to the act of your great deliverance; and to the signs, and to the wonders, associated with that act, and that day. This celebration also marks the beginning of another year of your national life; and reminds you that the Republic of America is now 76 years old. I am glad, fellow-citizens, that your nation is so young. Seventy-six years, though a good old age for a man, is but a mere speck in the life of a nation. Three score years and ten is the allotted time for individual men; but nations number their years by thousands. According to this fact, you are, even now, only in the beginning of your national career, still lingering in the period of childhood. I repeat, I am glad this is so. There is hope in the thought, and hope is much needed, under the dark clouds which lower above the horizon. The eye of the reformer is met with angry flashes, portending disastrous times; but his heart may well beat lighter at the thought that America is young, and that she is still in the impressible stage of her existence. May he not hope that high lessons of wisdom, of justice and of truth, will yet give direction to her destiny? Were the nation older, the patriot's heart might be sadder, and the reformer's brow heavier. Its future might be shrouded in gloom, and the hope of its prophets go out in sorrow. There is consolation in the thought that America is young. Great streams are not easily turned from channels, worn deep in the course of ages. They may sometimes rise in quiet and stately majesty, and inundate the land, refreshing and fertilizing the earth with their mysterious properties. They may also rise in wrath and fury, and bear away, on their angry waves, the accumulated wealth of years of toil and hardship. They, however, gradually flow back to the same old channel, and flow on as serenely as ever. But, while the river may not be turned aside, it may dry up, and leave nothing behind but the withered branch, and the unsightly rock, to howl in the abyss-sweeping wind, the sad tale of departed glory. As with rivers so with nations.

Fellow-citizens, I shall not presume to dwell at length on the associations that cluster about this day. The simple story of it is that, 76 years ago, the people of this country were British subjects. The style and title of your "sovereign people" (in which you now glory) was not then born. You were under the British Crown . Your fathers esteemed the English Government as the home government; and England as the fatherland. This home government, you know, although a considerable distance from your home, did, in the exercise of its parental prerogatives, impose upon its colonial children, such restraints, burdens and limitations, as, in its mature judgement, it deemed wise, right and proper.

But, your fathers, who had not adopted the fashionable idea of this day, of the infallibility of government, and the absolute character of its acts, presumed to differ from the home government in respect to the wisdom and the justice of some of those burdens and restraints. They went so far in their excitement as to pronounce the measures of government unjust, unreasonable, and oppressive, and altogether such as ought not to be quietly submitted to. I scarcely need say, fellow-citizens, that my opinion of those measures fully accords with that of your fathers. Such a declaration of agreement on my part would not be worth much to anybody. It would, certainly, prove nothing, as to what part I might have taken, had I lived during the great controversy of 1776. To say now that America was right, and England wrong, is exceedingly easy. Everybody can say it; the dastard, not less than the noble brave, can flippantly discant on the tyranny of England towards the American Colonies. It is fashionable to do so; but there was a time when to pronounce against England, and in favor of the cause of the colonies, tried men's souls. They who did so were accounted in their day, plotters of mischief, agitators and rebels, dangerous men. To side with the right, against the wrong, with the weak against the strong, and with the oppressed against the oppressor! here lies the merit, and the one which, of all others, seems unfashionable in our day. The cause of liberty may be stabbed by the men who glory in the deeds of your fathers. But, to proceed.

Feeling themselves harshly and unjustly treated by the home government, your fathers, like men of honesty, and men of spirit, earnestly sought redress. They petitioned and remonstrated; they did so in a decorous, respectful, and loyal manner. Their conduct was wholly unexceptionable. This, however, did not answer the purpose. They saw themselves treated with sovereign indifference, coldness and scorn. Yet they persevered. They were not the men to look back.

As the sheet anchor takes a firmer hold, when the ship is tossed by the storm, so did the cause of your fathers grow stronger, as it breasted the chilling blasts of kingly displeasure. The greatest and best of British statesmen admitted its justice, and the loftiest eloquence of the British Senate came to its support. But, with that blindness which seems to be the unvarying characteristic of tyrants, since Pharaoh and his hosts were drowned in the Red Sea, the British Government persisted in the exactions complained of.

The madness of this course, we believe, is admitted now, even by England; but we fear the lesson is wholly lost on our present rulers.

Oppression makes a wise man mad. Your fathers were wise men, and if they did not go mad, they became restive under this treatment. They felt themselves the victims of grievous wrongs, wholly incurable in their colonial capacity. With brave men there is always a remedy for oppression. Just here, the idea of a total separation of the colonies from the crown was born! It was a startling idea, much more so, than we, at this distance of time, regard it. The timid and the prudent (as has been intimated) of that day, were, of course, shocked and alarmed by it.

Such people lived then, had lived before, and will, probably, ever have a place on this planet; and their course, in respect to any great change, (no matter how great the good to be attained, or the wrong to be redressed by it), may be calculated with as much precision as can be the course of the stars. They hate all changes, but silver, gold and copper change! Of this sort of change they are always strongly in favor.

These people were called tories in the days of your fathers; and the appellation, probably, conveyed the same idea that is meant by a more modern, though a somewhat less euphonious term, which we often find in our papers, applied to some of our old politicians.

Their opposition to the then dangerous thought was earnest and powerful; but, amid all their terror and affrighted vociferations against it, the alarming and revolutionary idea moved on, and the country with it.

On the 2d of July, 1776, the old Continental Congress, to the dismay of the lovers of ease, and the worshipers of property, clothed that dreadful idea with all the authority of national sanction. They did so in the form of a resolution; and as we seldom hit upon resolutions, drawn up in our day, whose transparency is at all equal to this, it may refresh your minds and help my story if I read it.

"Resolved, That these united colonies are, and of right, ought to be free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown; and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, dissolved."

Citizens, your fathers made good that resolution. They succeeded; and to-day you reap the fruits of their success. The freedom gained is yours; and you, therefore, may properly celebrate this anniversary. The 4th of July is the first great fact in your nation's history — the very ring-bolt in the chain of your yet undeveloped destiny.

Pride and patriotism, not less than gratitude, prompt you to celebrate and to hold it in perpetual remembrance. I have said that the Declaration of Independence is the ring-bolt to the chain of your nation's destiny; so, indeed, I regard it. The principles contained in that instrument are saving principles. Stand by those principles, be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost.

From the round top of your ship of state, dark and threatening clouds may be seen. Heavy billows, like mountains in the distance, disclose to the leeward huge forms of flinty rocks! That bolt drawn, that chain broken, and all is lost. Cling to this day — cling to it, and to its principles, with the grasp of a storm-tossed mariner to a spar at midnight.

The coming into being of a nation, in any circumstances, is an interesting event. But, besides general considerations, there were peculiar circumstances which make the advent of this republic an event of special attractiveness.

The whole scene, as I look back to it, was simple, dignified and sublime.

The population of the country, at the time, stood at the insignificant number of three millions. The country was poor in the munitions of war. The population was weak and scattered, and the country a wilderness unsubdued. There were then no means of concert and combination, such as exist now. Neither steam nor lightning had then been reduced to order and discipline. From the Potomac to the Delaware was a journey of many days. Under these, and innumerable other disadvantages, your fathers declared for liberty and independence and triumphed.

Fellow Citizens, I am not wanting in respect for the fathers of this republic. The signers of the Declaration of Independence were brave men. They were great men too — great enough to give fame to a great age. It does not often happen to a nation to raise, at one time, such a number of truly great men. The point from which I am compelled to view them is not, certainly, the most favorable; and yet I cannot contemplate their great deeds with less than admiration. They were statesmen, patriots and heroes, and for the good they did, and the principles they contended for, I will unite with you to honor their memory.

They loved their country better than their own private interests; and, though this is not the highest form of human excellence, all will concede that it is a rare virtue, and that when it is exhibited, it ought to command respect. He who will, intelligently, lay down his life for his country, is a man whom it is not in human nature to despise. Your fathers staked their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor, on the cause of their country. In their admiration of liberty, they lost sight of all other interests.

They were peace men; but they preferred revolution to peaceful submission to bondage. They were quiet men; but they did not shrink from agitating against oppression. They showed forbearance; but that they knew its limits. They believed in order; but not in the order of tyranny. With them, nothing was "settled" that was not right. With them, justice, liberty and humanity were "final;" not slavery and oppression. You may well cherish the memory of such men. They were great in their day and generation. Their solid manhood stands out the more as we contrast it with these degenerate times.

How circumspect, exact and proportionate were all their movements! How unlike the politicians of an hour! Their statesmanship looked beyond the passing moment, and stretched away in strength into the distant future. They seized upon eternal principles, and set a glorious example in their defence. Mark them!

Fully appreciating the hardship to be encountered, firmly believing in the right of their cause, honorably inviting the scrutiny of an on-looking world, reverently appealing to heaven to attest their sincerity, soundly comprehending the solemn responsibility they were about to assume, wisely measuring the terrible odds against them, your fathers, the fathers of this republic, did, most deliberately, under the inspiration of a glorious patriotism, and with a sublime faith in the great principles of justice and freedom, lay deep the corner-stone of the national superstructure, which has risen and still rises in grandeur around you.

Of this fundamental work, this day is the anniversary. Our eyes are met with demonstrations of joyous enthusiasm. Banners and pennants wave exultingly on the breeze. The din of business, too, is hushed. Even Mammon seems to have quitted his grasp on this day. The ear-piercing fife and the stirring drum unite their accents with the ascending peal of a thousand church bells. Prayers are made, hymns are sung, and sermons are preached in honor of this day; while the quick martial tramp of a great and multitudinous nation, echoed back by all the hills, valleys and mountains of a vast continent, bespeak the occasion one of thrilling and universal interests nation's jubilee.

Friends and citizens, I need not enter further into the causes which led to this anniversary. Many of you understand them better than I do. You could instruct me in regard to them. That is a branch of knowledge in which you feel, perhaps, a much deeper interest than your speaker. The causes which led to the separation of the colonies from the British crown have never lacked for a tongue. They have all been taught in your common schools, narrated at your firesides, unfolded from your pulpits, and thundered from your legislative halls, and are as familiar to you as household words. They form the staple of your national poetry and eloquence.

I remember, also, that, as a people, Americans are remarkably familiar with all facts which make in their own favor. This is esteemed by some as a national trait — perhaps a national weakness. It is a fact, that whatever makes for the wealth or for the reputation of Americans, and can be had cheap! will be found by Americans. I shall not be charged with slandering Americans, if I say I think the American side of any question may be safely left in American hands.

I leave, therefore, the great deeds of your fathers to other gentlemen whose claim to have been regularly descended will be less likely to be disputed than mine!

THE PRESENT.

My business, if I have any here to-day, is with the present. The accepted time with God and his cause is the ever-living now.

"Trust no future, however pleasant,
Let the dead past bury its dead;
Act, act in the living present,
Heart within, and God overhead."

We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and to the future. To all inspiring motives, to noble deeds which can be gained from the past, we are welcome. But now is the time, the important time. Your fathers have lived, died, and have done their work, and have done much of it well. You live and must die, and you must do your work. You have no right to enjoy a child's share in the labor of your fathers, unless your children are to be blest by your labors. You have no right to wear out and waste the hard-earned fame of your fathers to cover your indolence. Sydney Smith tells us that men seldom eulogize the wisdom and virtues of their fathers, but to excuse some folly or wickedness of their own. This truth is not a doubtful one. There are illustrations of it near and remote, ancient and modern. It was fashionable, hundreds of years ago, for the children of Jacob to boast, we have "Abraham to our father," when they had long lost Abraham's faith and spirit. That people contented themselves under the shadow of Abraham's great name, while they repudiated the deeds which made his name great. Need I remind you that a similar thing is being done all over this country to-day? Need I tell you that the Jews are not the only people who built the tombs of the prophets, and garnished the sepulchres of the righteous? Washington could not die till he had broken the chains of his slaves. Yet his monument is built up by the price of human blood, and the traders in the bodies and souls of men, shout — "We have Washington to our father." Alas! that it should be so; yet so it is.

"The evil that men do, lives after them,
The good is oft' interred with their bones."

Fellow-citizens, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here to-day? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? and am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

Would to God, both for your sakes and ours, that an affirmative answer could be truthfully returned to these questions! Then would my task be light, and my burden easy and delightful. For who is there so cold, that a nation's sympathy could not warm him? Who so obdurate and dead to the claims of gratitude, that would not thankfully acknowledge such priceless benefits? Who so stolid and selfish, that would not give his voice to swell the hallelujahs of a nation's jubilee, when the chains of servitude had been torn from his limbs? I am not that man. In a case like that, the dumb might eloquently speak, and the "lame man leap as an hart."

But, such is not the state of the case. I say it with a sad sense of the disparity between us. I am not included within the pale of this glorious anniversary! Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you, this day, rejoice, are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity and independence, bequeathed by your fathers, is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought life and healing to you, has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth [of] July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony. Do you mean, citizens, to mock me, by asking me to speak to-day? If so, there is a parallel to your conduct. And let me warn you that it is dangerous to copy the example of a nation whose crimes, lowering up to heaven, were thrown down by the breath of the Almighty, burying that nation in irrecoverable ruin! I can to-day take up the plaintive lament of a peeled and woe-smitten people!

"By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down. Yea! we wept when we remembered Zion. We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof. For there, they that carried us away captive, required of us a song; and they who wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion. How can we sing the Lord's song in a strange land? If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth."

Fellow-citizens; above your national, tumultous joy, I hear the mournful wail of millions! whose chains, heavy and grievous yesterday, are, to-day, rendered more intolerable by the jubilee shouts that reach them. If I do forget, if I do not faithfully remember those bleeding children of sorrow this day, "may my right hand forget her cunning, and may my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth!" To forget them, to pass lightly over their wrongs, and to chime in with the popular theme, would be treason most scandalous and shocking, and would make me a reproach before God and the world. My subject, then fellow-citizens, is AMERICAN SLAVERY. I shall see, this day, and its popular characteristics, from the slave's point of view. Standing, there, identified with the American bondman, making his wrongs mine, I do not hesitate to declare, with all my soul, that the character and conduct of this nation never looked blacker to me than on this 4th of July! Whether we turn to the declarations of the past, or to the professions of the present, the conduct of the nation seems equally hideous and revolting. America is false to the past, false to the present, and solemnly binds herself to be false to the future. Standing with God and the crushed and bleeding slave on this occasion, I will, in the name of humanity which is outraged, in the name of liberty which is fettered, in the name of the constitution and the Bible, which are disregarded and trampled upon, dare to call in question and to denounce, with all the emphasis I can command, everything that serves to perpetuate slavery-the great sin and shame of America! "I will not equivocate; I will not excuse;" I will use the severest language I can command; and yet not one word shall escape me that any man, whose judgement is not blinded by prejudice, or who is not at heart a slaveholder, shall not confess to be right and just.

But I fancy I hear some one of my audience say, it is just in this circumstance that you and your brother abolitionists fail to make a favorable impression on the public mind. Would you argue more, and denounce less, would you persuade more, and rebuke less, your cause would be much more likely to succeed. But, I submit, where all is plain there is nothing to be argued. What point in the anti-slavery creed would you have me argue? On what branch of the subject do the people of this country need light? Must I undertake to prove that the slave is a man? That point is conceded already. Nobody doubts it. The slaveholders themselves acknowledge it in the enactment of laws for their government. They acknowledge it when they punish disobedience on the part of the slave. There are seventy-two crimes in the State of Virginia, which, if committed by a black man, (no matter how ignorant he be), subject him to the punishment of death; while only two of the same crimes will subject a white man to the like punishment. What is this but the acknowledgement that the slave is a moral, intellectual and responsible being? The manhood of the slave is conceded. It is admitted in the fact that Southern statute books are covered with enactments forbidding, under severe fines and penalties, the teaching of the slave to read or to write. When you can point to any such laws, in reference to the beasts of the field, then I may consent to argue the manhood of the slave. When the dogs in your streets, when the fowls of the air, when the cattle on your hills, when the fish of the sea, and the reptiles that crawl, shall be unable to distinguish the slave from a brute, there will I argue with you that the slave is a man!

For the present, it is enough to affirm the equal manhood of the negro race. Is it not astonishing that, while we are ploughing, planting and reaping, using all kinds of mechanical tools, erecting houses, constructing bridges, building ships, working in metals of brass, iron, copper, silver and gold; that, while we are reading, writing and cyphering, acting as clerks, merchants and secretaries, having among us lawyers, doctors, ministers, poets, authors, editors, orators and teachers; that, while we are engaged in all manner of enterprises common to other men, digging gold in California, capturing the whale in the Pacific, feeding sheep and cattle on the hill-side, living, moving, acting, thinking, planning, living in families as husbands, wives and children, and, above all, confessing and worshipping the Christian's God, and looking hopefully for life and immortality beyond the grave, we are called upon to prove that we are men!

Would you have me argue that man is entitled to liberty? that he is the rightful owner of his own body? You have already declared it. Must I argue the wrongfulness of slavery? Is that a question for Republicans? Is it to be settled by the rules of logic and argumentation, as a matter beset with great difficulty, involving a doubtful application of the principle of justice, hard to be understood? How should I look to-day, in the presence of Americans, dividing, and subdividing a discourse, to show that men have a natural right to freedom? speaking of it relatively, and positively, negatively, and affirmatively. To do so, would be to make myself ridiculous, and lo offer an insult to your understanding. There is not a man beneath the canopy of heaven, that does not know that slavery is wrong for him.

What, am I to argue that it is wrong to make men brutes, to rob them of their liberty, to work them without wages, to keep them ignorant of their relations to their fellow men, to beat them with sticks, to flay their flesh with the lash, to load their limbs with irons, to hunt them with dogs, to sell them at auction, to sunder their families, to knock out their teeth, to burn their flesh, to starve them into obedience and submission to their masters? Must I argue that a system thus marked with blood, and stained with pollution, is wrong? No! I will not. I have better employments for my time and strength, than such arguments would imply.

What, then, remains to be argued? Is it that slavery is not divine; that God did not establish it; that our doctors of divinity are mistaken? There is blasphemy in the thought. That which is inhuman, cannot be divine! Who can reason on such a proposition? They that can, may; I cannot. The time for such argument is past.

At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. O! had I the ability, and could I reach the nation's ear, I would, to-day, pour out a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake. The feeling of the nation must be quickened; the conscience of the nation must be roused; the propriety of the nation must be startled; the hypocrisy of the nation must be exposed; and its crimes against God and man must be proclaimed and denounced

What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciations of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade, and solemnity, are, to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices, more shocking and bloody, than are the people of these United States, at this very hour.

Go where you may, search where you will, roam through all the monarchies and despotisms of the old world, travel through South America, search out every abuse, and when you have found the last, lay your facts by the side of the everyday practices of this nation, and you will say with me, that, for revolting barbarity and shameless hypocrisy, America reigns without a rival.

INTERNAL SLAVE TRADE.

Take the American slave-trade, which, we are told by the papers, is especially prosperous just now. Ex-Senator Benton tells us that the price of men was never higher than now. He mentions the fact to show that slavery is in no danger. This trade is one of the peculiarities of American institutions. It is carried on in all the large towns and cities in one-half of this confederacy; and millions are pocketed every year, by dealers in this horrid traffic. In several states, this trade is a chief source of wealth. It is called (in contradistinction to the foreign slave-trade) "the internal slave trade." It is, probably, called so, too, in order to divert from it the horror with which the foreign slave-trade is contemplated. That trade has long since been denounced by this government, as piracy. It has been denounced with burning words, from the high places of the nation, as an execrable traffic. To arrest it, to put an end to it, this nation keeps a squadron, at immense cost, on the coast of Africa. Everywhere, in this country, it is safe to speak of this foreign slave-trade, as a most inhuman traffic, opposed alike to the laws of God and of man. The duty to extirpate and destroy it, is admitted even by our DOCTORS OF DIVINITY. In order to put an end to it, some of these last have consented that their colored brethren (nominally free) should leave this country, and establish themselves on the western coast of Africa! It is, however, a notable fact that, while so much execration is poured out by Americans upon those engaged in the foreign slave-trade, the men engaged in the slave-trade between the states pass without condemnation, and their business is deemed honorable.

Behold the practical operation of this internal slave-trade, the American slave-trade, sustained by American politics and American religion. Here you will see men and women reared like swine for the market. You know what is a swine-drover? I will show you a man-drover. They inhabit all our Southern States. They perambulate the country, and crowd the highways of the nation, with droves of human stock. You will see one of these human flesh-jobbers, armed with pistol, whip and bowie-knife, driving a company of a hundred men, women, and children, from the Potomac to the slave market at New Orleans. These wretched people are to be sold singly, or in lots, to suit purchasers. They are food for the cotton-field, and the deadly sugar-mill. Mark the sad procession, as it moves wearily along, and the inhuman wretch who drives them. Hear his savage yells and his blood-chilling oaths, as he hurries on his affrighted captives! There, see the old man, with locks thinned and gray. Cast one glance, if you please, upon that young mother, whose shoulders are bare to the scorching sun, her briny tears falling on the brow of the babe in her arms. See, too, that girl of thirteen, weeping, yes! weeping, as she thinks of the mother from whom she has been torn! The drove moves tardily. Heat and sorrow have nearly consumed their strength; suddenly you hear a quick snap, like the discharge of a rifle; the fetters clank, and the chain rattles simultaneously; your ears are saluted with a scream, that seems to have torn its way to the centre of your soul! The crack you heard, was the sound of the slave-whip; the scream you heard, was from the woman you saw with the babe. Her speed had faltered under the weight of her child and her chains! that gash on her shoulder tells her to move on. Follow this drove to New Orleans. Attend the auction; see men examined like horses; see the forms of women rudely and brutally exposed to the shocking gaze of American slave-buyers. See this drove sold and separated forever; and never forget the deep, sad sobs that arose from that scattered multitude. Tell me citizens, WHERE, under the sun, you can witness a spectacle more fiendish and shocking. Yet this is but a glance at the American slave-trade, as it exists, at this moment, in the ruling part of the United States.

I was born amid such sights and scenes. To me the American slave-trade is a terrible reality. When a child, my soul was often pierced with a sense of its horrors. I lived on Philpot Street, Fell's Point, Baltimore, and have watched from the wharves, the slave ships in the Basin, anchored from the shore, with their cargoes of human flesh, waiting for favorable winds to waft them down the Chesapeake. There was, at that time, a grand slave mart kept at the head of Pratt Street, by Austin Woldfolk. His agents were sent into every town and county in Maryland, announcing their arrival, through the papers, and on flaming "hand-bills," headed CASH FOR NEGROES. These men were generally well dressed men, and very captivating in their manners. Ever ready to drink, to treat, and to gamble. The fate of many a slave has depended upon the turn of a single card; and many a child has been snatched from the arms of its mother by bargains arranged in a state of brutal drunkenness.

The flesh-mongers gather up their victims by dozens, and drive them, chained, to the general depot at Baltimore. When a sufficient number have been collected here, a ship is chartered, for the purpose of conveying the forlorn crew to Mobile, or to New Orleans. From the slave prison to the ship, they are usually driven in the darkness of night; for since the antislavery agitation, a certain caution is observed.

In the deep still darkness of midnight, I have been often aroused by the dead heavy footsteps, and the piteous cries of the chained gangs that passed our door. The anguish of my boyish heart was intense; and I was often consoled, when speaking to my mistress in the morning, to hear her say that the custom was very wicked; that she hated to hear the rattle of the chains, and the heart-rending cries. I was glad to find one who sympathised with me in my horror.

Fellow-citizens, this murderous traffic is, to-day, in active operation in this boasted republic. In the solitude of my spirit, I see clouds of dust raised on the highways of the South; I see the bleeding footsteps; I hear the doleful wail of fettered humanity, on the way to the slave-markets, where the victims are to be sold like horses, sheep, and swine, knocked off to the highest bidder. There I see the tenderest ties ruthlessly broken, to gratify the lust, caprice and rapacity of the buyers and sellers of men. My soul sickens at the sight.

"Is this the land your Fathers loved,
The freedom which they toiled to win?
Is this the earth whereon they moved?
Are these the graves they slumber in?"

But a still more inhuman, disgraceful, and scandalous state of things remains to be presented.


By an act of the American Congress, not yet two years old, slavery has been nationalized in its most horrible and revolting form. By that act, Mason & Dixon's line has been obliterated; New York has become as Virginia; and the power to hold, hunt, and sell men, women, and children as slaves remains no longer a mere state institution, but is now an institution of the whole United States. The power is co-extensive with the star-spangled banner and American Christianity. Where these go, may also go the merciless slave-hunter. Where these are, man is not sacred. He is a bird for the sportsman's gun. By that most foul and fiendish of all human decrees, the liberty and person of every man are put in peril. Your broad republican domain is hunting ground for men. Not for thieves and robbers, enemies of society, merely, but for men guilty of no crime. Your lawmakers have commanded all good citizens to engage in this hellish sport. Your President, your Secretary of State, your lords, nobles, and ecclesiastics, enforce, as a duty you owe to your free and glorious country, and to your God, that you do this accursed thing. Not fewer than forty Americans have, within the past two years, been hunted down and, without a moment's warning, hurried away in chains, and consigned to slavery and excruciating torture. Some of these have had wives and children, dependent on them for bread; but of this, no account was made. The right of the hunter to his prey stands superior to the right of marriage, and to all rights in this republic, the rights of God included! For black men there are neither law, justice, humanity, not religion. The Fugitive Slave Law makes MERCY TO THEM, A CRIME; and bribes the judge who tries them. An American JUDGE GETS TEN DOLLARS FOR EVERY VICTIM HE CONSIGNS to slavery, and five, when he fails to do so. The oath of any two villains is sufficient, under this hell-black enactment, to send the most pious and exemplary black man into the remorseless jaws of slavery! His own testimony is nothing. He can bring no witnesses for himself. The minister of American justice is bound by the law to hear but one side; and that side, is the side of the oppressor. Let this damning fact be perpetually told. Let it be thundered around the world, that, in tyrant-killing, king-hating, people-loving, democratic, Christian America, the seats of justice are filled with judges, who hold their offices under an open and palpable bribe, and are bound, in deciding in the case of a man's liberty, hear only his accusers!

In glaring violation of justice, in shameless disregard of the forms of administering law, in cunning arrangement to entrap the defenceless, and in diabolical intent, this Fugitive Slave Law stands alone in the annals of tyrannical legislation. I doubt if there be another nation on the globe, having the brass and the baseness to put such a law on the statute-book. If any man in this assembly thinks differently from me in this matter, and feels able to disprove my statements, I will gladly confront him at any suitable time and place he may select.

RELIGIOUS LIBERTY.

I take this law to be one of the grossest infringements of Christian Liberty, and, if the churches and ministers of our country were not stupidly blind, or most wickedly indifferent, they, too, would so regard it.

At the very moment that they are thanking God for the enjoyment of civil and religious liberty, and for the right to worship God according to the dictates of their own consciences, they are utterly silent in respect to a law which robs religion of its chief significance, and makes it utterly worthless to a world lying in wickedness. Did this law concern the "mint, anise and cummin" — abridge the right to sing psalms, to partake of the sacrament, or to engage in any of the ceremonies of religion, it would be smitten by the thunder of a thousand pulpits. A general shout would go up from the church, demanding repeal, repeal, instant repeal! And it would go hard with that politician who presumed to solicit the votes of the people without inscribing this motto on his banner. Further, if this demand were not complied with, another Scotland would be added to the history of religious liberty, and the stern old Covenanters would be thrown into the shade. A John Knox would be seen at every church door, and heard from every pulpit, and Fillmore would have no more quarter than was shown by Knox, to the beautiful, but treacherous queen Mary of Scotland. The fact that the church of our country, (with fractional exceptions), does not esteem "the Fugitive Slave Law" as a declaration of war against religious liberty, implies that that church regards religion simply as a form of worship, an empty ceremony, and not a vital principle, requiring active benevolence, justice, love and good will towards man. It esteems sacrifice above mercy; psalm-singing above right doing; solemn meetings above practical righteousness. A worship that can be conducted by persons who refuse to give shelter to the houseless, to give bread to the hungry, clothing to the naked, and who enjoin obedience to a law forbidding these acts of mercy, is a curse, not a blessing to mankind. The Bible addresses all such persons as "scribes, pharisees, hypocrites, who pay tithe of mint, anise, and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgement, mercy and faith."


THE CHURCH RESPONSIBLE.

But the church of this country is not only indifferent to the wrongs of the slave, it actually takes sides with the oppressors. It has made itself the bulwark of American slavery, and the shield of American slave-hunters. Many of its most eloquent Divines. who stand as the very lights of the church, have shamelessly given the sanction of religion and the Bible to the whole slave system. They have taught that man may, properly, be a slave; that the relation of master and slave is ordained of God; that to send back an escaped bondman to his master is clearly the duty of all the followers of the Lord Jesus Christ; and this horrible blasphemy is palmed off upon the world for Christianity.

For my part, I would say, welcome infidelity! welcome atheism! welcome anything! in preference to the gospel, as preached by those Divines! They convert the very name of religion into an engine of tyranny, and barbarous cruelty, and serve to confirm more infidels, in this age, than all the infidel writings of Thomas Paine, Voltaire, and Bolingbroke, put together, have done! These ministers make religion a cold and flinty-hearted thing, having neither principles of right action, nor bowels of compassion. They strip the love of God of its beauty, and leave the throne of religion a huge, horrible, repulsive form. It is a religion for oppressors, tyrants, man-stealers, and thugs. It is not that "pure and undefiled religion" which is from above, and which is "first pure, then peaceable, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." But a religion which favors the rich against the poor; which exalts the proud above the humble; which divides mankind into two classes, tyrants and slaves; which says to the man in chains, stay there; and to the oppressor, oppress on; it is a religion which may be professed and enjoyed by all the robbers and enslavers of mankind; it makes God a respecter of persons, denies his fatherhood of the race, and tramples in the dust the great truth of the brotherhood of man. All this we affirm to be true of the popular church, and the popular worship of our land and nation — a religion, a church, and a worship which, on the authority of inspired wisdom, we pronounce to be an abomination in the sight of God. In the language of Isaiah, the American church might be well addressed, "Bring no more vain ablations; incense is an abomination unto me: the new moons and Sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting. Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth. They are a trouble to me; I am weary to bear them; and when ye spread forth your hands I will hide mine eyes from you. Yea! when ye make many prayers, I will not hear. YOUR HANDS ARE FULL OF BLOOD; cease to do evil, learn to do well; seek judgement; relieve the oppressed; judge for the fatherless; plead for the widow."

The American church is guilty, when viewed in connection with what it is doing to uphold slavery; but it is superlatively guilty when viewed in connection with its ability to abolish slavery. The sin of which it is guilty is one of omission as well as of commission. Albert Barnes but uttered what the common sense of every man at all observant of the actual state of the case will receive as truth, when he declared that "There is no power out of the church that could sustain slavery an hour, if it were not sustained in it."

Let the religious press, the pulpit, the Sunday school, the conference meeting, the great ecclesiastical, missionary, Bible and tract associations of the land array their immense powers against slavery and slave-holding; and the whole system of crime and blood would be scattered to the winds; and that they do not do this involves them in the most awful responsibility of which the mind can conceive.

In prosecuting the anti-slavery enterprise, we have been asked to spare the church, to spare the ministry; but how, we ask, could such a thing be done? We are met on the threshold of our efforts for the redemption of the slave, by the church and ministry of the country, in battle arrayed against us; and we are compelled to fight or flee. From what quarter, I beg to know, has proceeded a fire so deadly upon our ranks, during the last two years, as from the Northern pulpit? As the champions of oppressors, the chosen men of American theology have appeared — men, honored for their so-called piety, and their real learning. The LORDS of Buffalo, the SPRINGS of New York, the LATHROPS of Auburn, the COXES and SPENCERS of Brooklyn, the GANNETS and SHARPS of Boston, the DEWEYS of Washington, and other great religious lights of the land, have, in utter denial of the authority of Him, by whom they professed to he called to the ministry, deliberately taught us, against the example of the Hebrews and against the remonstrance of the Apostles, they teach "that we ought to obey man's law before the law of God."

My spirit wearies of such blasphemy; and how such men can be supported, as the "standing types and representatives of Jesus Christ," is a mystery which I leave others to penetrate. In speaking of the American church, however, let it be distinctly understood that I mean the great mass of the religious organizations of our land. There are exceptions, and I thank God that there are. Noble men may be found, scattered all over these Northern States, of whom Henry Ward Beecher of Brooklyn, Samuel J. May of Syracuse, and my esteemed friend* on the platform, are shining examples; and let me say further, that upon these men lies the duty to inspire our ranks with high religious faith and zeal, and to cheer us on in the great mission of the slave's redemption from his chains. [*Rev. R. R. Raymond]

RELIGION IN ENGLAND AND RELIGION IN AMERICA.

One is struck with the difference between the attitude of the American church towards the anti-slavery movement, and that occupied by the churches in England towards a similar movement in that country. There, the church, true to its mission of ameliorating, elevating, and improving the condition of mankind, came forward promptly, bound up the wounds of the West Indian slave, and restored him to his liberty. There, the question of emancipation was a high[ly] religious question. It was demanded, in the name of humanity, and according to the law of the living God. The Sharps, the Clarksons, the Wilberforces, the Buxtons, and Burchells and the Knibbs, were alike famous for their piety, and for their philanthropy. The anti-slavery movement there was not an anti-church movement, for the reason that the church took its full share in prosecuting that movement: and the anti-slavery movement in this country will cease to be an anti-church movement, when the church of this country shall assume a favorable, instead of a hostile position towards that movement. Americans! your republican politics, not less than your republican religion, are flagrantly inconsistent. You boast of your love of liberty, your superior civilization, and your pure Christianity, while the whole political power of the nation (as embodied in the two great political parties), is solemnly pledged to support and perpetuate the enslavement of three millions of your countrymen. You hurl your anathemas at the crowned headed tyrants of Russia and Austria, and pride yourselves on your Democratic institutions, while you yourselves consent to be the mere tools and bodyguards of the tyrants of Virginia and Carolina. You invite to your shores fugitives of oppression from abroad, honor them with banquets, greet them with ovations, cheer them, toast them, salute them, protect them, and pour out your money to them like water; but the fugitives from your own land you advertise, hunt, arrest, shoot and kill. You glory in your refinement and your universal education; yet you maintain a system as barbarous and dreadful as ever stained the character of a nation — a system begun in avarice, supported in pride, and perpetuated in cruelty. You shed tears over fallen Hungary, and make the sad story of her wrongs the theme of your poets, statesmen and orators, till your gallant sons are ready to fly to arms to vindicate her cause against her oppressors; but, in regard to the ten thousand wrongs of the American slave, you would enforce the strictest silence, and would hail him as an enemy of the nation who dares to make those wrongs the subject of public discourse! You are all on fire at the mention of liberty for France or for Ireland; but are as cold as an iceberg at the thought of liberty for the enslaved of America. You discourse eloquently on the dignity of labor; yet, you sustain a system which, in its very essence, casts a stigma upon labor. You can bare your bosom to the storm of British artillery to throw off a threepenny tax on tea; and yet wring the last hard-earned farthing from the grasp of the black laborers of your country. You profess to believe "that, of one blood, God made all nations of men to dwell on the face of all the earth," and hath commanded all men, everywhere to love one another; yet you notoriously hate, (and glory in your hatred), all men whose skins are not colored like your own. You declare, before the world, and are understood by the world to declare, that you "hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal; and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; and that, among these are, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness;" and yet, you hold securely, in a bondage which, according to your own Thomas Jefferson, "is worse than ages of that which your fathers rose in rebellion to oppose," a seventh part of the inhabitants of your country.

Fellow-citizens! I will not enlarge further on your national inconsistencies. The existence of slavery in this country brands your republicanism as a sham, your humanity as a base pretence, and your Christianity as a lie. It destroys your moral power abroad; it corrupts your politicians at home. It saps the foundation of religion; it makes your name a hissing, and a by word to a mocking earth. It is the antagonistic force in your government, the only thing that seriously disturbs and endangers your Union. It fetters your progress; it is the enemy of improvement, the deadly foe of education; it fosters pride; it breeds insolence; it promotes vice; it shelters crime; it is a curse to the earth that supports it; and yet, you cling to it, as if it were the sheet anchor of all your hopes. Oh! be warned! be warned! a horrible reptile is coiled up in your nation's bosom; the venomous creature is nursing at the tender breast of your youthful republic; for the love of God, tear away, and fling from you the hideous monster, and let the weight of twenty millions crush and destroy it forever!

THE CONSTITUTION.

But it is answered in reply to all this, that precisely what I have now denounced is, in fact, guaranteed and sanctioned by the Constitution of the United States; that the right to hold and to hunt slaves is a part of that Constitution framed by the illustrious Fathers of this Republic.

Then, I dare to affirm, notwithstanding all I have said before, your fathers stooped, basely stooped
"To palter with us in a double sense:
And keep the word of promise to the ear,
But break it to the heart."

And instead of being the honest men I have before declared them to be, they were the veriest imposters that ever practised on mankind. This is the inevitable conclusion, and from it there is no escape. But I differ from those who charge this baseness on the framers of the Constitution of the United States. It is a slander upon their memory, at least, so I believe. There is not time now to argue the constitutional question at length — nor have I the ability to discuss it as it ought to be discussed. The subject has been handled with masterly power by Lysander Spooner, Esq., by William Goodell, by Samuel E. Sewall, Esq., and last, though not least, by Gerritt Smith, Esq. These gentlemen have, as I think, fully and clearly vindicated the Constitution from any design to support slavery for an hour.

Fellow-citizens! there is no matter in respect to which, the people of the North have allowed themselves to be so ruinously imposed upon, as that of the pro-slavery character of the Constitution. In that instrument I hold there is neither warrant, license, nor sanction of the hateful thing; but, interpreted as it ought to be interpreted, the Constitution is a GLORIOUS LIBERTY DOCUMENT. Read its preamble, consider its purposes. Is slavery among them? Is it at the gateway? or is it in the temple? It is neither. While I do not intend to argue this question on the present occasion, let me ask, if it be not somewhat singular that, if the Constitution were intended to be, by its framers and adopters, a slave-holding instrument, why neither slavery, slaveholding, nor slave can anywhere be found in it. What would be thought of an instrument, drawn up, legally drawn up, for the purpose of entitling the city of Rochester to a tract of land, in which no mention of land was made? Now, there are certain rules of interpretation, for the proper understanding of all legal instruments. These rules are well established. They are plain, common-sense rules, such as you and I, and all of us, can understand and apply, without having passed years in the study of law. I scout the idea that the question of the constitutionality or unconstitutionality of slavery is not a question for the people. I hold that every American citizen has a right to form an opinion of the constitution, and to propagate that opinion, and to use all honorable means to make his opinion the prevailing one. Without this right, the liberty of an American citizen would be as insecure as that of a Frenchman. Ex-Vice-President Dallas tells us that the constitution is an object to which no American mind can be too attentive, and no American heart too devoted. He further says, the constitution, in its words, is plain and intelligible, and is meant for the home-bred, unsophisticated understandings of our fellow-citizens. Senator Berrien tell us that the Constitution is the fundamental law, that which controls all others. The charter of our liberties, which every citizen has a personal interest in understanding thoroughly. The testimony of Senator Breese, Lewis Cass, and many others that might be named, who are everywhere esteemed as sound lawyers, so regard the constitution. I take it, therefore, that it is not presumption in a private citizen to form an opinion of that instrument.

Now, take the constitution according to its plain reading, and I defy the presentation of a single pro-slavery clause in it. On the other hand it will be found to contain principles and purposes, entirely hostile to the existence of slavery.

I have detained my audience entirely too long already. At some future period I will gladly avail myself of an opportunity to give this subject a full and fair discussion.

Allow me to say, in conclusion, notwithstanding the dark picture I have this day presented of the state of the nation, I do not despair of this country. There are forces in operation, which must inevitably work The downfall of slavery. "The arm of the Lord is not shortened," and the doom of slavery is certain. I, therefore, leave off where I began, with hope. While drawing encouragement from the Declaration of Independence, the great principles it contains, and the genius of American Institutions, my spirit is also cheered by the obvious tendencies of the age. Nations do not now stand in the same relation to each other that they did ages ago. No nation can now shut itself up from the surrounding world, and trot round in the same old path of its fathers without interference. The time was when such could be done. Long established customs of hurtful character could formerly fence themselves in, and do their evil work with social impunity. Knowledge was then confined and enjoyed by the privileged few, and the multitude walked on in mental darkness. But a change has now come over the affairs of mankind. Walled cities and empires have become unfashionable. The arm of commerce has borne away the gates of the strong city. Intelligence is penetrating the darkest corners of the globe. It makes its pathway over and under the sea, as well as on the earth. Wind, steam, and lightning are its chartered agents. Oceans no longer divide, but link nations together. From Boston to London is now a holiday excursion. Space is comparatively annihilated. Thoughts expressed on one side of the Atlantic are, distinctly heard on the other. The far off and almost fabulous Pacific rolls in grandeur at our feet. The Celestial Empire, the mystery of ages, is being solved. The fiat of the Almighty, "Let there be Light," has not yet spent its force. No abuse, no outrage whether in taste, sport or avarice, can now hide itself from the all-pervading light. The iron shoe, and crippled foot of China must be seen, in contrast with nature. Africa must rise and put on her yet unwoven garment. "Ethiopia shall stretch out her hand unto God." In the fervent aspirations of William Lloyd Garrison, I say, and let every heart join in saying it:

God speed the year of jubilee
The wide world o'er!
When from their galling chains set free,
Th' oppress'd shall vilely bend the knee,
And wear the yoke of tyranny
Like brutes no more.
That year will come, and freedom's reign,
To man his plundered rights again
Restore.

God speed the day when human blood
Shall cease to flow!
In every clime be understood,
The claims of human brotherhood,
And each return for evil, good,
Not blow for blow;
That day will come all feuds to end
And change into a faithful friend
Each foe.

God speed the hour, the glorious hour,
When none on earth
Shall exercise a lordly power,
Nor in a tyrant's presence cower;
But all to manhood's stature tower,
By equal birth!
THAT HOUR WILL, COME, to each, to all,
And from his prison-house, the thrall
Go forth.

Until that year, day, hour, arrive,
With head, and heart, and hand I'll strive,
To break the rod, and rend the gyve,
The spoiler of his prey deprive-
So witness Heaven!
And never from my chosen post,
Whate'er the peril or the cost,
Be driven.

Umbrage and Realization.

I was right in the middle of a post discussing the minimum wage and I realized why I was struggling to finish it.

FW, diva of all she surveys, she of the indomitable spirit suddenly came down with a case of the inadequates.

Im not going to get into the gory details of the whys and wherefores, but suffice it to say, it puts a wet blanket on whatever else I have going on.

I have known this woman for just over 2 years and I am at a loss.

I guess I thought things were different because the mystique was so awe-inspiring.

You think because the outer shell seems so impenetrable and the inner force is so quick to capitalize on whatever shortcomings she perceives that she would be able to take a moment of truth in the proper context.

Ahh...but no.

So, here Iam...typing aimlessly to disconnected masses, vexed beyond rhyme or reason.

Praying for the fog to lift and the sun to rise.

Monday, July 03, 2006

and SPEAKING of our favorite senator...

Here is a link to the now Famous speech that Senator Obama made last week

In case you want to read/hear it before I write about it either tonight or tomorrow.

Mr. Carter: and dont you go posting in the comments...write your OWN post. Thank you.

here is a smidgen to tease you:


Because when we ignore the debate about what it means to be a good Christian or Muslim or Jew; when we discuss religion only in the negative sense of where or how it should not be practiced, rather than in the positive sense of what it tells us about our obligations towards one another; when we shy away from religious venues and religious broadcasts because we assume that we will be unwelcome - others will fill the vacuum, those with the most insular views of faith, or those who cynically use religion to justify partisan ends.

In other words, if we don't reach out to evangelical Christians and other religious Americans and tell them what we stand for, then the Jerry Falwells and Pat Robertsons and Alan Keyeses will continue to hold sway.
-Senator Barack Obama

People You need to add to your prayer list

Newark Mayor Cory Booker(from the Washington Post)

We need to put our metaphorical arms around this brotha tout de suite.

It is disarming how genuine he comes across.

He makes Barack Obama look like Reverend Ike.

The Monday Morning Mind-Purge

Today is one of those pseudo holidays. It is not quite like Christmas Eve, or the day after Thanksgiving, but close.

When the Calendar gives you a holiday on a Tuesday usually people lump Monday right along with it. It is a mindset. The fourth of July takes on the shape of the day of the week it falls on. Having a holiday on Tuesday just screams out 4 day Weekend.

I skipped my usual daily posting on Sunday because the shadow Oscar's sermonette left was too big for me to be jabbering in.

Ok, that is not quite true, although it is partially true.

I just didn't feel like it.

I will make up for it with some Posts today.

But not now...I am at work.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Word For The Week

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5
One of the greatest crooners of all time was an abject heathen by the name of Marvin Gaye. When Marvin would come to town women of all ages - from the cradle to the grave - would drop everything to go see Marvin. Marvin would start singing his sweet melodies and women would melt like butter on a hot biscuit. This is why back in the day only Marvin Gaye could produce a booty-call song and women would actually embrace it and sing along with it:

Ooh, now let's get down tonight
Baby I'm hot just like an oven
I need some lovin'
And baby, I can't hold it much longer
It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing
Sexual Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
Sexual Healing baby, is good for me
Sexual Healing is something that's good for me

Marvin was raw with his, and while Marvin wasn't thinking anything about Jesus, the Bible actually agrees with Marvin to an extent. The difference, as always, is context.

We have to keep sex within its proper context. One thing that we need to understand is that we are being played. Anyone who has studied communication theory or worked in sales knows that in order to persuade anyone to do anything you have to bypass the rational mind and speak directly to the irrational, emotional mind. All decisions are based on emotion and subsequently justified by reason and logic - the cerebral cortex, part of the brain that is responsible for rationality, does not even fire until it receives information from the brain stem and limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for emotions and drives. In other words, by the time you consciously think about something your brain has already tagged the information with an emotion and a desired emotional response - your cerebral cortex simply tries to justify it logically, and when it fails to do so you end up feeling cognitive dissonance.

Stay with me, I'm going somewhere.

It is not by accident that sex is so pleasurable. It's not like while God was creating man someone distracted Him so God screwed up and sprinkled too many nerve endings into the genitalia. No, God knew exactly what He was doing, and it was good. Understand, sex is not essential for the survival of an individual human being, but it is essential for the survival of humanity. No evolutionary process would design an altruistic function for the survival of an entire species that does not in and of itself increase the likelihood of the survival of the individual organism. That requires an intelligence that cares about the survival of an individual species. That requires an intelligent designer, and we have such a one in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the Father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Are you still with me?

The human sex drive is the duct tape of human motivation - much the same way that duct tape can be used to fix just about any problem human sexuality can be used to motivate just about any behavior or psychological process. What's more is that virtually any conceivable stimulus can be associated with sex and subsequently used to arouse the sex drive. Marv Albert would be an outlier of the normal distribution of sexual arousal while Sir Mix-A-Lot would be in the 50th percentile. Some folks have foot fetishes while others get turned on by legs, or pecks, or abs, or hair, or the gentle blowing of the breeze - any conceivable stimulus can arouse the sex drive, and the sex drive can be used to motivate any conceivable behavior.

See where this is going?

In the United States of America we claim to believe in the rule of law but the truth of the matter is that we ultimately believe in the golden rule - he who has the gold makes the rules. Those who have the gold keep their gold and, in fact, increase their pile of gold by ensuring that consumers continue to consume the goods and services that are produced by the owners of the means of production (the gold), and that is best achieved by appealing to the consumers' sex drive. Sometimes the appeal to the sex drive is overt (see: beer ads) while sometimes it is masked in multiple layers meaning, such as when they continually show Black men as suspects in violent crimes - White men are motivated to protect their White women from those animals (with the Mandingo thing looming subconsciously as well), purchasing the goods and services that they perceive to facilitate that end.

We're being played.

This is nothing new. Satan is well-versed at sharpening our appetite to the point that it can split atoms and then sitting back to watch us destroy ourselves trying to fulfill the perceived need that he feeds, laughing. He did it with Adam and Eve in the garden. "You will not surely die." "God's just player-hatin' - do yo thang, gurl! You know you want some." There is nothing new under the sun, and while the devil may or may not wear Prada, he most certainly maintains a mailing address on Madison Avenue. We are barraged with sexually suggestive messages every day. The billboards that we see on the way to work, the attire and scents of our coworkers designed to highlight their assets and mask their perceived deficiencies, the commercials on radio and TV God forbid you jump online. Sex and sexuality is ubiquitous in this culture, and considering the fact that America was in large part modeled after Rome it should come as no surprise that we are equalling Rome's depravity. This is why Paul said to the Corinthians, the most depraved of Roman provinces, "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." Sex is a good thing - a very good thing - within its proper context, and that context is marriage. The first thing that we see in this passage is that sex must be constrained to its proper context.

American society has divorced action from value and has embraced the idea that pleasure is the highest good, or in an ethical formulation that whatever causes pleasure is right. This is known as hedonism, and while it fits well with humanism it is directly contradicted by the Word of God. Man is not the measure of all things - man didn't create the heavens and the earth. Man didn't hang the stars in their place and separate the waters from the dry ground. Man didn't create the birds in the air or the fish in the sea. Man just showed up on the scene after God breathed the breath of life into him, so man can be in no ways the measure of all things - that role belongs to God alone, He is the standard bearer and the standard giver. Again, man has been tempted to usurp God's role since the Garden of Eden - "...and you will be like God" - and perpetually falls for the okiedoke. We can't keep sex in its proper context because too often we won't keep ourselves in our proper context - submitted to God. When it's all about us then it's all about fulfilling our desires, but when it's all about God then it's all about fulfilling His desire for us.

Does this mean that God wants us to suffer and to do without pleasure? Hardly, He wants to protect us from us. He wants us to operate within His guidelines for our own good - how much baby-mama drama would be avoided if sex were kept within its proper context? How many abortions would be avoided if sex were kep within its proper context? How many broken hearts would be whole if sex were kept within its proper context? God essentially constrained men (males) by commanding that sex was to be limited to the context of marriage. The male sex drive is primarily physical and biological, driven by the build up of seminal fluids, and after so long a man will jump just about anything that moves, as Eddie Murphy colorfully pointed out in 48 Hours. But God says that if a man wants to have sex with a woman then he has to take responsibility for her for the rest of his life, that she is then entitled to all of his stuff. That is the proper context of sex - marriage - but our society values benefits without responsibilities, wealth wthout work, and pleasure without restraint. America wants its sexual healing but it doesn't want the obligation of marriage, the obligation of raising children, the obligation of submitting to God. America acts like a petulant 5 year old - "No! Gimme that! Gimme that! Gimme that!" - and could use the same solution: the rod of correction drives folly far from the child.

But some folk might get turned on by a good spanking.

That leads to the second point that we find in this text - it is the responsibility of the husband to please his wife and the responsibility of the wife to please her husband. I have no clue as to where the Puritanical idea of boring sex came from - it surely wasn't the Bible. There is nothing in Scripture that mandates conformity to the Missionary Position. There is nothing in Scripture forbiding specific orifi from being penetrated by specific members. There is nothing in Scripture that mandates any performance requirements, but what I do find in Scripture is a clear command for husbands to bring pleasure to their wives and for wives to bring pleasure to their husbands. Missionary might work for Ward and June Cleaver, but the Huxtables might have some other ideas. Lord knows that Bobby and Whitney had other ideas, but within the context of marriage (cocaine notwithstanding) it's all good - the two shall become one flesh. There's a wide variety (be careful with that link - it's graphic) of techniques available to the married couple, limited only by their creativity and the constraint that it's just the two of them - the two shall become one flesh, not the three or the four becoming one flesh. Wives have to so pleasure their own husbands that any time that a husband is aroused his wife immediately comes to mind. Husbands have to so pleasure their wives that the idea of sex with anyone else invokes a visceral revulsion in the wife. Paul is saying that it is the responsibility of the married man or woman to have their spouse's toes curling on the regular, to have their eyes flipping to the back of their heads, to beat it up.

But sex is more than techniques, it is an emotional connection and a spiritual bonding experience. The one-flesh phrase transcends the physical experience to the extent that the two can truly become one, of one mind and body, blessed by the Holy Spirit. That is true pleasure, pleasure that will bring tears from the man and the woman, pleasure that will bond a couple for life.

It's in the Bible.

The Bible also affirms our third point in this Pauline text: abstinence is a good thing. Unwanted children, broken emotional bonds, viewing people as consumables to be used and disposed, where do we begin? It is an exceedingly good thing if you have the discipline to keep your sex drive in check. Paul concedes the obvious - many (most?) people lack that self-control and their sex drives demand an outlet - but Paul reaffirms that which Jesus affirmed and God originally stated: the proper context for sex is within marriage, one man and one woman, and within that context whenever you get that feeling, it's time for sexual healing.

May the LORD bless you and keep you;
May the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
And may the LORD,
Who wants you to find pleasure in its proper context,
May He turn His face toward you and give you peace.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Tagged by a newby

Ive been Tagged by a newby. This is what happens when you try to help people. Ah well...Im not about a little sex talk either...of course my current situation will prevent me from....NOTHING, I have nothing to fear....here we go:



1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006?
Clearly.

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
Yup. in four states even.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
aint nuffin funny. You got a lifetime of reputation riding on every stroke. Women talk, and I am not about to get clowned. I have been accused of being a bit intense....see #4

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
For the uninitiated, an orgasm is one of the most physically intense experiences there is for a man. Add a healthy dose of emotions, and a tear or two is possible. Few of you are worthy of that story. and one of you was there. (dont think too hard, you already know who it is)

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Sure....Ill cuddle with you all the way up until I start snoring in your ear.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Indeed. Some of the best sex I ever had, too....price tag was WAY too high though.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yes. When you're GOOD....you may need to fake one or two. Otherwise you'd NEVER get anything done.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
I am a writer, what do YOU think?

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX:
I got kids...Ive been married...I am engaged...I am predisposed to stupidity....But God has blessed me.

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Um...EWWWWW! Most of my friends are WOMEN. Might have masturbated to..oh wait...that aint NONE of your business.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
They say marriage is an astounding number of one night stands in a row. But I will just say yes. But I have grown and matured. (stifles a laugh)

12. HOW BOUT A 3-SOME?
Sadly...no. I still believe in a place called Hope.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
I am usually kind of busy.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Yes, BUT NOT RECENTLY!!!!

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?
You mean Condoms break?

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
Hmm...How about: My first wife and I waited until after we got married. That night, let's just say I wasn't worth the wait.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
18, almost 19

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
Well, there is the obvious answer...wait...be right back.





19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE?
It certainly was.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
nope...not anymore...but stick around..that is likely to change within the hour.

21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS?
(falling back into PR mode) I do not believe that is an appropriate question for this forum. Hypothetical questions serve only to create needless confusion.


My inclination is to tag the First Couple of Blogging....Scribe and DJDiva...but thats No fun..all they will do is write about EACH OTHER..and we see enough of that already.

I am pretty sure everyone on my list has taking a hack at this one...EXCEPT...




Drumroll....




EFFFFDOUBLEUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <----FW


Yeah...RIGHT. FFCOT <--Fat effin Chance of THAT


So KJ...that leaves you darlin...sorry that is the life of a newby.