Late in the Evening...

Today was an interesting day. Got a couple of interesting job leads while at the shrimp plantation. I was reading some interesting stuff that I will start to address in due time while listening to the new Babyface CD on AOL (by the way, how cool is THAT?), when I realized I hadn't written in a while and didn't especially feel like writing either, but that I had to put something down here.

Fact is, for all the reading I have been doing, I haven't latched on to that ONE thing, that is going to get me out of this self-reflective blah blah blah that I have been dealing with on this blog thus far. It is coming, I assure you, but I just don't know when.

I just know it isn't going to be tonight.

Oral Fixations

I woke up yesterday morning intending to write. Tooth #15 decided otherwise. I am not sure what it is about toothaches that make them so much different than any other affliction, perhaps it is that whole mouth thing.

Eating, drinking, talking, breathing...all fairly vital tasks; all virtually impossible for me and compounded by excruciating pain.

I don't do dentists all that much. Not because of fear, because frankly, they don't scare me.

I don't do dentists because they cost too damn much. My teeth and I have lived by a standard rule. Don't bother me...and I won't bother you.


She doesn't like that idea. So it will not fly any longer. The truth is I have been fearful since we met way back when. She is an avowed teeth and smile woman. For many reasons, most of them financial, I have let the mouth slide.

Now I sit here...almost fully healed, but still in need of a great deal of work. She has been a godsend, exhibiting a form of nurturing I frankly am overwhelmed by.

Enough of that...I am getting better and I am grateful...now its back to swinging the sabre like I am becoming more and more comfortable doing.

Look at the time...

I am a true night owl. This is when my brain is the most focused. The music drones on in the background, weaving itself into and out of my stream of consciousness, the house is completely dark, only Her fan and occasionally the air conditioning humming in the background.

During my first blogging incarnation, this was the time I was most productive. Of course, that was at a time when I was in a more traditional family state, so that was the only private time I had to write.

I am finding that my mind is just plain sharper and more creative at this hour. I am looking forward to the soon to come all nighters and what they may produce.

But for now..Baby steps.

What does the future hold?
Why am I here?
Why are YOU here?

All valid questions.

The first is not for me to say.
The third is impossible for me to know, so I hope you will clue me in on that one.

As for the second, it is really quite simple. This is where it started for me long ago, so this is where it will start again.

I will crawl until I can stand...stand until I can walk...walk until I can run...Run until I can Race...Race until I can win.

For now...I will scoot along until the next time.

Early Bird gets the post

I have a busy day....


A whirlwind tour of wedding sites in the DFW followed by the first annual Take Her to See the Yankees classic.

I know what you're thinking:


Who is "Her"?


Get used to it. I have another half. She is integral to my life. She will take shape as this blog takes shape. I simply wanted to float out the whole magical pronoun concept.

The magical pronoun is when you capitalize a pronoun such that it refers to a specific person. "Her", in this case refers to my fiancee', a magical woman who has captured my heart, my libido and freed me from a litany of personality defects all the while falling for a man who isn't even her type. We are as different as we are in love. It's a Yin Yang thing and we aren't even twins.

That aside, it is every bit of 6:30 am and I am racing the sun getting this post up. The light sabre feels a bit better in my hand. I like the sound it makes when I swing it through the air. Soon I may even try to cut something.

But not today.

Today, it's Fiance' mode. Be alert and not "pushy and domineering"; be helpful but not overly so. This is not unlike husband mode, a mode I was born to be in, although the results were anything but sparkling.

I am sure She would rather not this be about her today, but that is not an option she gets. The words go on the page as they come to me.

Baby, these are the perils of being a WriterWifey. <---note the pink font as being specifically addressed to Her.


Actually all this is a segue to words bubbling underneath about Life, love and marriage to be revealed as soon as the words show up.


What I will say is that the life I live is inching closer and closer to the live God ordained for me to live. There have been some missteps that have made that life slightly more complicated but I am learning to follow that into the reap what you sow category. She has made this more and more of a reality. Soulmates are hard to come by, and even harder to keep, as ironic as that might be. She is much of the Inspiration behind the words, even the words that aren't about her.



Especially the words that aren't about her.

Baby Steps to Undeniable Virtuosity

I feel like a baby again. I feel uncertain and unsure of myself, and that is rare for me in this aspect. Fortunately, I am still potty trained so we take our victories where we can get them. From the moment I started calling myself a writer, I considered myself a good one.

A really good one.

It has been so long, that everything feels brand new again. I don't even have the old stuff I wrote to look back on in nostalgia.

Of course that is just as well, since I find nostalgia largely unproductive. Let us move on.

This post is titled Baby Steps from the movie "What about Bob" which was on TBS this week.

Baby Steps refers to small carefully calculated steps forward with a clearly stated goal. The goal in this instance is Undeniable Virtuosity. Why such a lofty goal? Because I am capable of it. I didn't say write a best seller because I am not in this for the money, although if I'm going to be able to scratch out enough of a living to allow her to do what she needs to do and drive what she wants to drive, I am going to need to be compensated pretty handsomely. But the bottom line is:

Excellence is the goal.
Excellence begets financial compensation.

Or at least it should.

It is another day and another post. This is not unlike the first time you pick up a weapon, a light sabre ( the glowing sword thingie from Star Wars), for instance. You feel its weight. You swing it around to see how easy or difficult it is. You might even cut off a tree limb or two to see how powerful it is.

But what you don't do is just roll out on the battlefield without a firm grasp on your weapon of choice and the power you possess as a result.

So if you will allow me to swing my font sword for a few days. I will join my fellow brethren on the battlefield in short order.

What battlefield? Ahhh.....stay tuned.

so much for a clean room...

So...here I am, back for day number two. Welcome back, or just plain ole welcome. I probably should apologize for the scatterbrained nature of this blog...but it is a cerebral vortex, after all. Perhaps an introduction is in order:

My name is David.

I am a native of Pittsburgh, PA who now lives in Fort Worth, TX, where I have been for about 16 months. My Pittsburgh roots are as most Pittsburgher roots are these days...deep, but detatched. I left Pittsburgh right after high school for Tallahassee, FL for 2 intriguing but ultimately unproductive years of college at Florida A&M University. That led to 18 months in Pittsburgh to seal my determination to get gone from there.

Next stop was Southern California, and a year with my Father...the source of much of my genius and an equal amount of my flaws.

That was followed by 10 years in the Washington, DC area, highlighted by marriage, children, separation, depression, and a discovery of the passion to write.

Then came a humbling, but necessary return to Pittsburgh for 18 months to recompose myself and reiterate how hateful this place can be.

That was followed by a once in a lifetime chance to make history in Texas Politics...and a chance at love to boot.

The first 9 months was a time in the fire...preparing me for the next 6 months.

2004 was a very painful period...2005 has been quite the opposite. The new year brought love...life...and an understanding of who i REALLY am, but not in that order.


The devil is in the Details (but of course God is as well)


Well, there is a start. more about me later.

Cleaning up my room...

I woke up this morning and vowed to write something. Anything. So here I am. I wiped out all the posts that appeared previously on this blog and said I would start all over.

Again.


Again...Again.

I have started over so many times I have actually, honestly lost count.

Once upon a time, Blogging was my passion, my introduction into writing for others to read. I craved it, did it daily, and was pretty damned good at it. I was sitting at the window of my marriage at the time, awaiting the birth of my second(and what i said at the time would surely be my last, but I am getting ahead of my self) child. I felt trapped, and my writing was when i felt the most free. At the time I felt like I was on the verge of the career I was craving. People were reading and discovering me. Real writers talked about how they couldn't wait to read me. Blogging wasn't even cool back then, yet there I was, plugged into something that gave me as much fulfillment as anything I did short of fatherhood.

Here I am now, almost FOUR YEARS LATER, starting over.

Again.

Almost everything around me has changed since then. Actually, everything has changed around me, including me.

The marriage is no more, replaced by an amicable parenting partnership in one sense and an engagement and pending marriage in another.

Back then I had two sons, but one had yet to be born, riding shotgun in his mother's womb. The other was racing through the not-all-that-terrible-cause-daddy-wasn't-having-it-twos, conquering the English language, potty-training and climbing into bed with mommy and daddy along the way.

I have exchanged the Washington, DC metropolitan area for the Dallas/Fort Worth, TX Metroplex.

I went from waiting tables to politics to waiting tables to...who knows where.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Except for me starting over again.

This is the last time.